Something to think about

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by JKuhnz, Aug 6, 2016.

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  1. JKuhnz

    JKuhnz Member

    Hey everyone. I'm still new here and figured this would be the best place for this seeing as this section is dedicated to suicidal feelings. I've been an EMT for almost 3 years now and even though I suffer from depression doing what I do has given me a special outlook on things, and it is that each day is not promised. I've delt with people at their worst. Laying unconscious on the floor or in critical condition, or even harder to bare, dealing with the loved ones of these people. And while it may feel like the world is ending, I feel people get lost in those thoughts and don't think about what happens after the world does end. I know some of you may have heard it before. "Don't do it, you'll only hurt those around you." But I figured I'd share an outlook of an emergency responder on what exactly happens when you do it. This story is based off an actual emergency I responded to.

    It's 3:00 am and you have given up. You no longer want to live. So you leave your house <mod edit - methods> Your father comes out wondering where you went and finds your body. Frantically he dials 911. Within seconds emergency crews are responding, but in the meantime he waits there powerless, staring at the lifeless body of his son. By this point the rest of your family comes out. Your mother and siblings are crying waiting on help to come. Minutes feel like days. Finally crews show up. Emergency vehicles line the streets in front of your house, lights flashing and sirens coming from the distance. Your neighbors all come out to see what the commotion is and suddenly it is a show for everyone. Rescuers run by your mother crying uncontrollably while your father stands there in shock. Crews immediately begin CPR, cutting off your shirt and possibly breaking a few ribs desperately trying to keep your body's vital organs working. You are thrown onto a stretcher and a device programmed to do compressions is attached to your chest while another worker is squeezing air into your lungs. You are rushed into the back of an ambulance and your family watches as you pass by, they won't see you again until an hour later.

    In the back of an ambulance you are attached to wires and pads. A paramedic drills an IV into your shin to administer medication. Another paramedic shoves a tube down your throat so a third rescuer can breathe for you. The monitor shows no heart activity so you are continuously pumped with drugs to attempt to revive it. All this happening while the ambulance is racing down the streets, lights and sirens to the nearest hospital. Walking in you are shocked multiple times in an attempt to restore your heart rhythm. You are taken to an ER room where 10 physicians and nurses swarm in to take over. But to much time has passed. 5 minutes later they pronounce you dead.

    By now your family has arrived to the hospital and are waiting anxiously in another room. A doctor walks in and explains everyone did everything they could, but you are gone. Your mother and father are crushed. Your story quickly makes news and soon all your friends know what happened, some blaming themselves for not seeing it sooner. Your family now has to live in a house knowing it is where their loved child committed suicide. The image of you being rushed away surrounded by emergency workers sticks in their minds forever. And they realize they never got to tell you they loved you or say goodbye one last time.

    Another very real story. The hardest thing for me was when I walked out on my mom having a seizure. I heard noises of gasping for air and walked out to it. I remember frantically dialing 911 and even with my training feeling absolutely helpless. Even though it turned out to be nothing. The biggest thing running through my mind was what if she doesn't come out of it. I never got to tell her I loved her. And let me say the worst feeling in the world is thinking you are going to lose someone when you never said goodbye.

    People care. Sometimes they don't show it until it is to late, but they care. Even people you wouldn't expect to care, like the first responders who don't even know you but will drop everything at 3 am to come help you. I can speak for myself and many others when I say I constantly ask myself "why couldn't I bring them back." I've had suicidal thoughts. Hell I'm going through a rough patch right now. But one thing that keeps me going is knowing I could never leave my loved ones with the question "What did I do wrong." I know this was somewhat graphic, but I'm hoping I could help at least one person realize that suicide only passes the pain on, and that it is not a solution.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 6, 2016
    WhoaThisPlaceIsScary likes this.
  2. afterlifepig

    afterlifepig Well-Known Member

    this is why i plan on moving into an apartment away from my parents before i do it.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    wow, this has shook me, strong and very real point of view. I would love to be an EMT but doubt very much that I have what it takes. You are amazing, writing what you wrote here could literally save someone from doing something silly, a spur of the moment act. Thank you so much for sharing it is an eye opener for whoever reads this and it is true that people DO care even if you think they won't.
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