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Something wrong with me?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Bulls, Jan 12, 2010.

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  1. Bulls

    Bulls New Member

    Stumbled on this website and thought i'd make a post to see if anyone could enlighten me. I have insomnia and the other night I was watching a show called "most evil" where this guy "rates" the evilness of serial killers on a scale. Anyhow he was describing their characteristics and personalities and I kind of noticed much of what he was saying applied to me. I've always liked to be alone and don't like interacting face to face with people. I have rediculous thoughts of rage even when slightly annoyed. I use to cut myself with razors several years ago to sort of calm myself and get my emotions under control. I stopped doing that long ago and just trying to hold my emotions inside. Lately I've been picturing acting out my thoughts of rage in my mind when someone angers me or sometimes I picture committing suicide in my mind.
    I'm not sure if you've all went though this or what. I'm almost always depressed and have nearly uncontrollable thoughts of violence and suicide even when slightly angered. I'm not sure if i'm just going through a funk or what the deal is. Perhaps I have some sort of disorder? Has anyone else experienced these thoughts of not only harming youself but others too? I don't think i'll ever act out on any of these thoughts because I can keep it under control. Its just alarming to have these picture flash through my mind all the time.
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Well, first...welcome to SF. I know you will find some answers and input and hopefully some solace here.

    I don't think its a "funk" I think you have an anger or rage realted disorder but I am not an expert. You will get some other input here.

    But before you start thinking you may be a serial killer there are a couple of traits you didn't mention that I've heard are near-musts for that to occur. One, is major trauma in the form of serious physical or psychological abuse as a child. And two, with most there is an escalation, starting with insects, then moving to animals and then...well, there are only people left.

    If you did experience the above it still does not make you a killer. But, you need to seek a professional diagnosis via a medical doctor or a psychiatrist in my opinion.

    Hope you will stay and talk and hear what the other have to say.

    Take care...

  3. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I have nearly all what you discribed, except wanting to hurt others. I cut, feel empty, anxious, depressed, angry.

    I was diagnosed with BPD.

    But I think you should ask a psychiatrist, they'll tell you more.
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