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Something wrong with me?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by karlos88, May 8, 2012.

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  1. karlos88

    karlos88 New Member

    Hi, im karl, im really new to this site. im 23 and for as long as i can remember ive always been 'different'. Through school i always fitted in, i was actually quite popular, but everyday from the age of 3 i screamed when going into school, i cried my eyes out and just didnt want to go! this has now moved onto my adult life, im 23 and so far had 37 jobs as well as being a full time student for a couple of years post 18. i just cant deal with work.

    This is just one of my problems, im currently seeing a specialist to see if i can get an understanding of what caused my feelings towards work etc.

    Because i am unable to stick out a job i am in HUGE amounts of debt, i owe a considerable amount to my parents, as well as banks and credit cards. To top things off i have a younger sister (aged 21) who is getting married this summer, has her own property and just given birth to a baby boy. So beyond seeing people i dont even know having great lives, someone even closer to me is a constant reminder my life is shit!!

    I have a girlfriend who i love to bits, but other than her i have absolutely no interest in anything, nothing entertains me at all!! the only hobby i have, if you can call it that, is going to the gym, and thats just mostly so i can be alone and release some anger. its like everything i do seems to go wrong, and i cant find anything that i enjoy doing. the only reason i havnt killed myself so far is because of the people around me, like my girlfriend and my family but its getting to the point where this isnt enough, i cant provide for my girlfriend or dream of having a family because i cant even stick out a job.

    im assuming this being a suicide forum, a lot of people have similar feelings, or a lot worse lives than what i have had, what do people do to over come these feelings? iv cleaned my bedroom today and my car, placed a lot of my possessions on gumtree so if sold can help towards the debt i owe my parents, basically im ready to go! i really cant go on with my life as it is!
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi karlos88 i hope your therapist can help you find some footing as to why you are unable to deal with work Therapy does help keep reaching out okay keep venting so others here who can relate can support you hugs
  3. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Hi karlos88. Welcome to SF.

    I noticed you have a potential in being a gym person - ever considered being a personal trainer?

    I hope you find support and encouragement to turn your life around.
  4. I don't like working either, but since I don't have any friends or a girlfriend work is my only escape from how shitty my life is. So be thankful for what you got at home! I'm 23 as well, and still live at home because living on your own with only 1,200 a month is imposable.

    400 car payment, Car is my escape when I'm not at work and a 600 apartment with only 200 cash a month..... not gonna happen.... BTW i'm the guy who's always been alone
  5. jonjon77

    jonjon77 New Member

    THere is always medication. clonazepamforyou.com
  6. Brokengirl123

    Brokengirl123 Well-Known Member

    That is a great idea G. My older brother became a personal trainer after leaving the army. He did a 2 month course and has been working ever since for over 3 years now. He had no knowledge about it and wasn't overly buff (- he was a chef in the army)

    If you haven't found the right job where you can relax and feel comfortable and enjoy then your fight or flight instinct is probably always going to kick in. Maybe you just need to do something very specific that these past jobs just haven't given you.

    Not many people truly enjoy work there (well there are some don't get me wrong) and most just do it to pay the bills. But that is very different to what you seem to be experiencing. It definately sounds like an issue to explore with a specialist.

    Don't beat yourself up by comparing yourself to others - I know the torture it causes you. I am still in a poor situation and I just turned 27. SO you are still young and i really hope you find good therapy and a reason to find a job you feel safe enough in. You have lots of time to turn things around, don't rush it. Those debts aren't going anywhere. Take time to understand yourself, enhance yourself and build some foundations to a new life and way of living. The rest will follow later.

    How to overcome the feelings? Just keep trying anything to help you feel better, to help you improve your life, to distract you from negative things and in general to just help you keep fighting until you are looking back in five years time saying wow things are so different now thank goodness I didn't do anything too hasty. And when in doubt come onto SF and there will be people here to listen and help you :)
  7. Frenchie Gal

    Frenchie Gal Guest

    Debt comes and goes. You know you need to find a job you are passionate towards and perhaps once it becomes clear as to why you have such problems going to school and then to work, what you can do about it. People are around you to support you and though you may see the success of some, there is a reason why you are here. You bring love to this girl and there's lots more coming. Something is wrong about the work aspect of your life which is affecting all the other realms of your life, so once that is dealt with, you will see your potential and the point of living.
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