Something wrong?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by mpang123, Jan 22, 2014.

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  1. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Today, my home health nurse practitioner made a visit to my home. After talking for awhile, she said she's picking up bad vibes from me. That I seem very anxious, more than usual. I tried to deny that there was nothing wrong with me. Then the bomb fell. I broke down in tears because I told her how I've been struggling with suicidal ideations again and I have been crying a lot. She told me to honestly tell my pdoc tomorrow and see what she recommends. I don't want to go to the hospital but then again, I want to also. I've been debating about this for some time now. Just things get in the way. I have to pay my bills at the first of the month, and I have to go through housekeeping inspection in the middle of the month. I can't afford to go to the hospital because I have other responsibilities to tend to. I try to keep myself distracted and busy, but it seems that my cover-up is not that effective. I will go to group tomorrow and try to tell my pdoc what my nurse practitioner was concerned about and see what she says. I'm very scared right now.
     
  2. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    Sorry to here you are struggling . I am kinda in the same boat as I know I need to be in the hospital, but for many reasons I cant go either. I will if things get any worse but for now I am doing everting I can to help myself. Hope things get better for you.
     
  3. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    You need to just focus on you. Your health is the number one thing! Those other issues will work themselves out. You can reschedule the cleaning appointment and pay the rent early/late if you're in the hospital. Certainly not good reasons to lie to your doctor. Talking to them would be wise. Let them decide. They'll also have an objective view. Good luck! :)
     
  4. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean...I get worried about how much I say because I know I can't afford much. And part of me thinks it's ridiculous to ask for help. that it's ridiculous that at my age, I'm just such a....yeah...sorry anyways I can relate to your anxiety. I hope it all goes well and that you pdoc helps you...perhaps new meds or maybe more therapy....
     
  5. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I talked to my therapist and psychiatrist today about having horrible flashbacks of my trauma and I cried a lot today. However, I made it through the day without the threat to go to the hospital which is a major relief for me. I am determined to stay safe even though my mind plays tricks on me and try to make me think I need to hurt myself again. "I am stronger than I think I am". A therapist told me that and I wrote that phrase on paper and taped it to my refrigerator door. Never underestimate the power you have in yourself and you can get through your crisis with a little help and advice, even if it's here if not from a professional.
     
  6. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    :hug: that's great! :) must be a load off your shoulders to know they are there for you and you don't have to go to the hospital.

    And you are so right, you are stronger than you realize. I think it's true for many of us.
     
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