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#4
Rather than start a whole other stupid post i'm just going to let it rip here.

I feel a little lost. Today is a tough day for me, too many thoughts & too many emotions being stirred up. I spoke with siblings which just didnt help, particularly one. Quite on edge tonight, am simply exhausted that the words on the screen are looking blurry so I know I need to sleep.

I'm upset about a lot of things and feeling very inadequate and small after that phone conversation. Keeping the peace is good but at what cost to myself? For once I don't want to hear about your great life and blah blah blah, I don't need to hear your advice to me when you aren't in my shoes, I don't need to hear your opinions on our family matters when I can quite happily make my own mind up and form my own opinions. Quit making me feel like I must walk on eggshells in any of my dealings with me.

So i find myself tonight questioning myself again. Doubting and wondering how people really don't know me.

I have been able to keep a hold of teh cutting temptation so far, but now, this is my time of night. My time of quiet in the house.

I am afraid to say more, in this open way. I'm glad yesterday is over. I am sad at the thought it'll be the last one with my partner. So I perhaps on purpose, didnt' want it to be memorable? Defending and protecting myself from future anguish?

what a mess. what a mess. what a mess.
 
#5
And I cry.

Why?

Overwhelmed? hmm... possibly.

Very likely scared.

Sad? Yes, quite a bit.

Lonely? Uh huh.

Unsure of what to do next? Quit therapy.

Frustrated? Absolutely and getting more angry with myself for all of this crap.
 

Sadeyes

Staff Alumni
#6
You are not to blame...it is so sad when the 'victim' (not literally) is blamed...you are such a lovely person, with so much caring, I wish for you that you had the compassion for yourself that you show others...much caring, J
 
#11
Please let us know how your appointment went, and contact me if you need anything...you are not a bother, and know I am thinking about you...J
 
#12
Yes but its okay. Am in queue for online crisis chat, will see if that helps. thank you, be safe.
Can you not find another trusted member here to chat to?

Are you American? If so - there are plenty of Americans here - its like er - America, with other people also - online an online suicide forum.

Sorry to make light - I feel like you do sometimes - I'm in the UK and would have to commit suicide to escape the phone bill!!

Sorry to see you down Mo - can I call you that? Well I just did.

My prayers - best wishes and thoughts for you.
 
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