something

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by MoAnamCara, Aug 10, 2011.

  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    *******
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 10, 2011
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi Mo,

    I don't know who you are thinking about, but whomever it is.. I hope he/she is okay.

    :hug:

    Mr. A
     
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thanks, me too.

    Take care.
     
  4. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Rather than start a whole other stupid post i'm just going to let it rip here.

    I feel a little lost. Today is a tough day for me, too many thoughts & too many emotions being stirred up. I spoke with siblings which just didnt help, particularly one. Quite on edge tonight, am simply exhausted that the words on the screen are looking blurry so I know I need to sleep.

    I'm upset about a lot of things and feeling very inadequate and small after that phone conversation. Keeping the peace is good but at what cost to myself? For once I don't want to hear about your great life and blah blah blah, I don't need to hear your advice to me when you aren't in my shoes, I don't need to hear your opinions on our family matters when I can quite happily make my own mind up and form my own opinions. Quit making me feel like I must walk on eggshells in any of my dealings with me.

    So i find myself tonight questioning myself again. Doubting and wondering how people really don't know me.

    I have been able to keep a hold of teh cutting temptation so far, but now, this is my time of night. My time of quiet in the house.

    I am afraid to say more, in this open way. I'm glad yesterday is over. I am sad at the thought it'll be the last one with my partner. So I perhaps on purpose, didnt' want it to be memorable? Defending and protecting myself from future anguish?

    what a mess. what a mess. what a mess.
     
  5. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    And I cry.

    Why?

    Overwhelmed? hmm... possibly.

    Very likely scared.

    Sad? Yes, quite a bit.

    Lonely? Uh huh.

    Unsure of what to do next? Quit therapy.

    Frustrated? Absolutely and getting more angry with myself for all of this crap.
     
  6. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    You are not to blame...it is so sad when the 'victim' (not literally) is blamed...you are such a lovely person, with so much caring, I wish for you that you had the compassion for yourself that you show others...much caring, J
     
  7. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you for responding.

    I am having difficulties tonight. I'm unsure what to do.
     
  8. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    How so? Do you need help?
     
  9. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Yes but its okay. Am in queue for online crisis chat, will see if that helps. thank you, be safe.
     
  10. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    It's easy to feel overwhelmed. My thoughts are with you. :hug:
     
  11. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Please let us know how your appointment went, and contact me if you need anything...you are not a bother, and know I am thinking about you...J
     
  12. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Can you not find another trusted member here to chat to?

    Are you American? If so - there are plenty of Americans here - its like er - America, with other people also - online an online suicide forum.

    Sorry to make light - I feel like you do sometimes - I'm in the UK and would have to commit suicide to escape the phone bill!!

    Sorry to see you down Mo - can I call you that? Well I just did.

    My prayers - best wishes and thoughts for you.
     
  13. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you PLG for your thoughts.
     
  14. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    How did your appointment go and how are you doing? Thinking of you
     
  15. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    All is fine

    thank you.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 15, 2011