sometimes, being here just isn't an option.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by askforitsilly, Jun 6, 2008.

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  1. askforitsilly

    askforitsilly New Member

    over the past few years, a lot of things have happened to me.
    it all started last year.
    i got my first real boyfriend, and he used to be a cutter.
    he had stopped, and hadn't done it for about 2 years.
    The relationship lasted about 3 months and than he broke up with me.
    I was devastated, so I thought, maybe that will work for me.
    I started cutting, they were deep and i always wanted to get closer and closer to the vein. That was attempts 1 through 3. I was upset. And than he wanted me back. . . same old love story. My parents were not happy, they didn't want me to have anything to do with him after he had hurt me so bad. This caused WWIII in my house, because i'm a very strong-willed person, a true mix between my parents irish and german tempered blood. But the force was likewise for them, having created me and all.
    My anxiety got to be so much i was throwing up everything that i ate, i ended up in the hospital with an enlarged spleen and intestinal blockage from being so dehydrated.

    that summer, was fine. i met a nice guy that i hung out with all summer, had fun at the pool and the beach, got a nice tan and than went back to school in september.

    Now, the beginning of my junior year, it was nice. Until about november. My grandfather passed away. Here come attempts 4 through 7. i was really close to my pop and having him pass, means i only have one grandparent out of all four, remaining. that really bummed me out. so this went on forever. Than we had thanksgiving and christmas without him and i met my second real boyfriend in january.
    that went well for a while. until my parents decided they hated him too.
    well long story short, i lost my virginity to him, i lived with him for about two weeks. i moved back home. i was tired all the time. i was having horrible attacks. and i was made an appointment for a mental evaluation.
    i broke up with him. because i knew what i was going through and i didn't want him to worry about me more than needed and i knew that medication might have some unpleasant side effects he'd have to work through with me.

    so i went to my evaluation, i was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and minor OCD. i've been on three different medications for depression in the past three weeks. two made me violently ill.

    this is why i'm here.
    feel free to talk to me.
    my name is rachel and i would appreciate your support.
  2. zRichi

    zRichi Member

    hey rach,

    that sucks man. Ive got bi polar so I'm happy one second then really swing into the darkest pit of despair the next. Do you not have an outlet? like a hobby you can "get it off" so to speak..

    try to chin up, good things happen to those that are able to see them...hahaha cheesiest thing ive said in a while.

    story_book_love[at] if you want someone to mail or summat

    rich xx
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Sounds like a rough few years you had. Medications can sometimes take a little while to take effect and for you to notice if they make a difference or not. Please don't get dicouraged. Finding the right combination can be very complex, but when they are found it makes it worth it. I am glad that you are seeking help and support. I hope we can be helpful to you. Take care. :hug:
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I know you will get through this Rach
    I'm always here for you
  5. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    Hello Rachel and don't be hard on yourself!
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    welcome to the forum rachel :arms:
  7. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum
  8. beauutyy

    beauutyy Well-Known Member

    welcome to the forum :)
    i am sorry about all you have been through<33
  9. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    welcome to SF x
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