Yesterday was sucha messed up day for me. I literally started thinking these crazy thoughts of things I would never think about. And it made me want to scream at the top of my lungs. I tried to see my BFF about it but then u felt even worse or that it is a waste of time to talk to him about what going on inside me. I don't even know what's wrong with me. All I know my aunt spoke to me in a way that offended me. She said my geandpa Would say this or that about me and I'm stubborn and just negative shit. Of course money was involved and toe money isn't a big deal but to use him. He hasn't even been dead for 8 months, not that it fucken matters, it is NEVER OK TO ASSEUME what he would say to me or what he thinks of me. I was disgusted and I felt violated. I don't know maybe I'm rover reacting but shit, the only man to ever purely love me is gone. I'm dealing with that as best as I can. I wish I gave my daughter his last name. How do you deal with that feeling of worthlessness?!or the feelin that you aren't enough for anyone??thats how I truely feel. It started 2 yrs ago and hasn't left me. Like its slowly eating away at me. Maybe I'm crazy. I know I shouldn't feel like that but the way I am treated shit I might as well be a fricking welcome Matt. Idk. Family. What is that? Maybe I'm bein a brat. I don't know.