Sometimes I hate my wife

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by otiose, Oct 23, 2011.

  1. otiose

    otiose Member

    I am normally a very careful writer, but forgive me poor grammar--I'm just not in the mood and I've had a few drinks. I think I've earned it.

    My wife isn't really the problem. She's a proxy for the real problem--my in-laws, who I hate as much as I can imagine hating anything, and I have a strong imagination.

    I know how skewed things get when feelings and stories are concerned, so let me try to relate just facts. I want opinions on this because, let's be honest here, I have zero friends in the world, and the tiny shitty family I have is 700 miles away and cannot be bothered to visit me. (I've visited them twice this year, but whose counting?)

    Anyway...

    My wife has a large family. I hate every facet of it, but let me focus on just one for now. Actually it involves two but I'll do my best to meld it into one. One of my sister/brothers-in-law have a house where they enjoy entertaining the others. Sounds fine, right? Well where I diverge from accepted opinion is in the fact that they show horror films (think: Halloween, Friday the 13th) to children of all ages, and "Mature 17+" games like "Call of Duty: Black Ops", also to children of all ages.

    Now, no one else in my wife's family bats an eye at this. Me, I'm not conservative at all but where it concerns children, I am extremely defensive, or perhaps protective is a better word. I think that psychologists have it right when they say that kids who are exposed to violence lose the full ability to empathize and appreciate the suffering of others. I think that playing games where you go around blowing others' heads off may desensitize a child to the suffering of others.

    But hey, who am I but a depressed asshole?

    I'll skip a whole huge episode involving my wife and I having a shouting match after she and my son made a visit to the house of these freaks. What I want opinions on is this: My wife claims that when she and my son visit their house (in my absence), the onus is on me to see if adult entertainment is being shown. (I'm characterizing as "adult entertainment" things like, oh call me crazy, Black Ops-type games.) If the psycho 5-year-old kids who are allowed to play those games aren't there, then hey, I should relax and shut up. My opinion--not that anyone asked--is that this sort of thing shouldn't be going on in the first place. I would truly and deeply appreciate it if my wife would simply agree with me that it shouldn't, and assure me that she wouldn't expose our son to it. But she won't do that. I think the reason she won't is that doing so would be admitting that someone in her family was wrong, which "cannot happen".

    Let me rephrase, please. My wife did not tell me that I should not worry about our son being exposed to that crap because she wouldn't allow that to happen. She did not say that there was anything wrong with it. No, all she said was that I need to inquire about who is visiting to find out if my son might be exposed to those things.

    And I think that's bullshit.

    Am I just nuts?
     
  2. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    I think that the video game and horror movies arent all that bad. I do both and I'm not a psychopath. Now, don't think I'm flaming you-I'm not, and I respect your opinion, but I think that you're getting a little too wound up over this. Now, I'm 17, and I like Call of Duty, Gears of War, but not horror movies, that shit is just scary as fuck. I just think that the reasons you don't like your in-laws are a little weak. Maybe that mixed with some other things, but I consider them to be quite minor. PM me if you want to talk any further, or jsut reply, whatever your preference.
     
  3. otiose

    otiose Member

    You're 17? Have kids?

    That isn't even the tiniest tip of the iceberg as far as why I hate these people. I don't have the time or energy to go into that, but it would fill volumes...

    I like M17+ games as well. The difference is that I don't expose young kids to it. Being 38 or 17 years old is different than being 2 or 5 years old. Kids don't understand the difference between fantasy and reality. I was there once when my 4-year-old nephew was allowed to watch a violent TV show where people were shooting each other. He asked someone "Are they really shooting each other?" I think for a kid that age to even be in such a situation is superfucked... Just insane. Why should a young kid be getting used to seeing people dying from gunshot wounds, or, worse yet, be the one doing the shooting?

    But don't get me wrong. I did ask for opinions. Maybe I'll stop caring about my son so much and just say "Fuck it". It sure would make my life easier. Caring about humanity sure hasn't done me much good...
     
  4. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    Well.. For starters? Blackops is pretty heavy for violence.Yeah it's not that bad, but for a 8 year old or younger? Things like that need to come after a good set of morals and ethics are instilled. That kinda sounds like conditioning, I just mean, if a kids learning about right and wrong, the worst way to teach that is through the mediocore concepts in violent video games(which yes.. kids do pick up on) and layer that with the violence in those sorts of games. Scary movies? Samething more or less. Kids need a good foundation. If they're learning this from games and movies such as shooters and horrors, there's a problem.

    Which kinda brings the responsbility to the parents. Some parents are good enough to balance that sort of material with some sort of teaching or understanding that the kid can incorporate and just have fun with. Other kids take it to heart.

    I honestly don't know what to say. Every kid, parent, family is different.

    You and your wife need to honestly, honeslty have a talk about it. You're super pissed off. You both need to find a common gorund, which means you need to actually get your opinon(s) as to why your son shouldn't be around this sort of stuff clear, while listening to her opinons as towhy it's ok. If you actually do want to talk, but are going in knowing you're right and won't budge or listen.. drop it. She obviously thinks it's ok some of the time, so hear her out. Maybe it is. Or maybe you can convince her it isnt.
     
  5. otiose

    otiose Member

    Thanks..

    Please, no one else bother responding. I'm going to request this thread be removed. I don't know why the hell I thought I needed input on this. AFAIC it's cut-and-dry. I know because I have experienced desensitization myself. I've watched many horrible videos thanks to the internet. Now, I'm an adult and would never expose a child (or actually, anyone) to this sort of thing. I've seen videos depicting things I won't even describe, they're so awful. Even describing them would sicken a sane person. My point is that over time, I have become desensitized to them and to suffering in general. I don't want my kid being a horrible person like I am...

    Anyway, thanks.

    Yeah I need to talk to my wife, but there's no point. Her family can do no wrong and it would be like trying to tell the Pope that Jesus is an asshole.
     
  6. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    Sorry if my post wasn't in tune to what youre trying to talk about.
    idk, maybe keep the thread open. It might help find someone else in a similar situation. if it helps, just the fact that you care about what youre sons subjected to, kinda shows you're not a horrible person. Infact it shows you really care about him.

    Anyhow.. best of luck with it.
     
  7. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    Look, I'm not trying to say you're wrong, I just got the vibe that that was the only reason you feel so strongly about you're wife's family. If there are others that I don't know about, then I'm sorry but It's just my opinion that video games are not a problem as long as done in moderation, and the children are not too young (younger than 13 or 14, that way they firmly know it's not right and is not real). I fully agree that they have the potential to fuck kids up, but if they just play it every once in a while (like once a month) then things should be fine as long as they are not too young. I completely agree with you about what happened with your 4 y/o nephew, that's just not right.
     
  8. lycoris

    lycoris Well-Known Member

    ...im not being funny.. But my boyfriend grew up on beat em up games and then the games you're talking about and horror movies. He has watched countless movies that i never even knew existed and we've made our way through the video nasties.

    On top of that he was beaten and eventually stabbed in the chest by his own mother.

    And he has turned out to be the most kind, loving, caring man ive ever known.

    So you can say you disagree and you can say you dont want your son exposed to it.

    But can i let you in on something? If you jumped down your wifes throat like you did others on this thread because they didnt agree im not at all surprised that it ended in a shouting match.

    Also just because people responding dont have children it doesnt make their opinions null and void.
     
  9. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    Thanks lycoris, I was a bit offended by how he said things, but to be fair, he was a bit angry. Frankly, I would be too.
     
  10. It sounds to me like you are very caring parent. These days it seems like that is hard to find. This is something you should be very proud of.
    Those games have ratings for a reason. I agree with you darlin, kids should not be exposed to things like that. I'm an adult and I don't even want to be exposed to people killing people.
    Stick with your guns.
     
  11. BrinkOfExistence

    BrinkOfExistence Well-Known Member

    I have to disagree or maybe my son is just an exception, he was playing Fable 3 and he decided to start killing guards and i said to him "why are you doing that? you're not suppose to kill the good guys" he simply replied "you can in games because it's not real" (he's 6 years old by the way).
    He certainly knows the difference between games and real life, he plays games like final fantasy and fable which are considered as violent games, but my son is dead set against violence in the real world which he often reminds me with.

    However i never let him watch violent/scary movies, i remember watching a few when i was younger and it having an influence on me. i think because games don't look like real life then they are not seen as real life and can be differentiated with one another.

    I think your (not specifically yours otiose) children will respond the same way to violent video games the same way as you would or their friends, if you're sensible about it and explain to them the difference i believe they will understand.

    I'm not saying all children will understand but you can't wrap your children up in bubble wrap all their life and then throw them out on their own at 18 (metaphorically speaking) because they'll be walking around thinking the world is this amazingly peaceful and happy place when in reality it's not.

    ...and no i'm not saying playing violent video games is preparing them for adulthood but it's now considered a part of childhood.

    i've been playing video games since i was 3, alot of them were violent/gory and scary and i'm not violent person in fact i try to avoid all confrontations as much as possible in the real world.