Sometimes I just don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by mjt20mik, Feb 11, 2013.

  1. mjt20mik

    mjt20mik Member

    I've faced depression in short periods of time throughout my life (as I was bullied as a child). However, as of the past year and a half I've gone through serious periods of depression with strong suicidal thoughts. I guess it all started when my parents told me that they had an affair when I was a kid. Personally, I held my parents on a pedestal and hearing that and the story kind of made me fall into a depression / rebellious state (about a year ago). This ended up with me basically destroying the majority of my relationships I had with friends and my girlfriend of 3 years. As one thing let to another, I started to second guess myself, and as I was losing my closest friends I ended up losing confidence and not caring about myself. I am a university student, and my grades have basically plummeted since this event, and it really has cost me job opportunities and careers in areas I was very interested in pursuing.

    I did see a Therapist (against my parents will), and it did help for some time. However, there have just been times that I have sat for hours on end and just cried not knowing what to do and who to speak to. This in turn has also destroyed the relationship I have with my parents, having daily conversations turning into fights. I get reminders on the daily as to how much of a mess up I am, and how I will never learn to be better (relating to my academics and job position).
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You cry hun and cry and cry ok until your pain is gone You go back and get more therapy to help you hun move forward now ok Your parents they made mistakes we all do hun but that is theirs to deal with not YOurs hun You need to live your life now you are an adult with your own worries hun Take care of YOU ok hugs
  3. mjt20mik

    mjt20mik Member

    Thanks for the words of encouragement total :) . I really do appreciate everything said and done here!
  4. I understand where your coming from my biological father cheated on and beat my mother I don't know what to really say though life is a hard thing to endure sometimes the only reason I'm alive today is I don't want to give anyone satisfaction from my death I live in hope for a better time for when my happiness will be my weapon against others to say no matter how hard they tried that I won in the end.
  5. mjt20mik

    mjt20mik Member

    Found out my parents have been lying to me again, and that my dad is having another affair
  6. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I'm not quite sure what to make of that. However, one thing is certain. Your life doesn't revolve around them. They alone are responsible for their actions, as you are with yours. But as you are of university caliber, I would recommend making your own path forward by your choices and actions.

    So one if not both parents had affairs. Is that your fault? No. They chose to be that way. They chose to lie about it too. You're in a position of letting external stuff affect your life. My dad walked out on my mum when I was 12. But how I've turned out to be I cannot blame him for, as there's a lot me and him do differently.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is, if it's got nothing to do with a choice you make or action you take, it's not something that is worth affecting you.
  7. mjt20mik

    mjt20mik Member

    Thanks for the strong words of advice unimportant. I think the biggest issue I'm facing with them again, is the fact that I would have considered my parents to be my best friends until recently. I have bipolar, and have found it very hard to have a group of steady friends. So I don't know, its just I'm in a weird state personally right now cause I have no one to talk to.
  8. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I'd be tempted to make my own choices. At 18+ in the uk you don't need parental consent to see a therapist because you are technically an adult and responsible for your own life.

    You've destroyed your relationships with friends and gf? Can I ask how that came about?

    As for job opportunities and academics, the job market is a bit stretched lately, but academics its never too late to continue/restart. And if you're under 25 for sure you can also look at apprenticeships to possibly find a role that you're interested in/suits your skills.

    After all, life is what you make of it. Bipolar isn't really an excuse to stop trying, and your parents have no right to fill your mind with nonsense. The best way to counter that is to get a job and finish university with qualifications to a decent standard (given capabilities) rather than arguing. Let your decisions of actions and choices be what proves them wrong.
  9. mjt20mik

    mjt20mik Member

    I just threw myself in a dark place. Pushed everyone away, and went into depression. During that phase, I just ignored everyone around me that cared about me (friends, GF, etc.). I am trying my best to secure a job, and I am trying to focus on school and put all of this external nonsense aside.