I'll get to the stage of accepting for good that people don't care about anyone apart from themselves and whoever is lucky enough to be approved/loved by them? That must be very very freeing, don't you think? To let go of any hope of making meaningful relationships. Because this 'hope' is killing me. A person can only spend so much of their waking life dreaming until a) each harsh landing on the ground of "reality" hurts so much that you'll do your very best to not drift off into dream-land- this includes, yes, killing yourself b) you make a decisive 'psychotic break' and then are at the mercy of doctors and harassed relatives pumping you full of drugs and or/incarcerating you for your defiance; your outward, obvious manifestations of something that is understandable to you, and your only way of self protection, but total nonsense to them. My girlfriend says the usual comments like: "You will make friends," like this is just so easy for someone with absolutely zero social skills and has the most impressive record for frightening people off. Who would want to be friends with someone as fucked-up (or I'd say, as horribly sane) as me? :smile: . Honestly.