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Sometimes I wonder why I was born.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by RahDeeZea, Aug 10, 2007.

  1. RahDeeZea

    RahDeeZea New Member

    Hi, my name is Rob and I think it's fit (or unfit) to say that I've been suffering from depression. Most of the time I wake up in a vile mood, wanting to take out anger on the internet. I find it very difficult not to lose control, because I work in a very tight community meaning if something bad happens, the whole village will know within minutes.

    Starting from 5-6 years old, I've been bullied for nearly twenty years. Sometimes I look back and I wonder how the hell I managed to keep it in all this time. I think just after I reached twenty I just had enough. My body is hideous. It's filled with so many cuts and bruises. Sometimes I do it for no reason at all.

    I wanted to go to university as well but I heard that some people I knew from college I disliked were going there as well, so I didn't go.

    Time has gone so quickly and I just wonder if I'm destined to live forever without any friends. I used to go to the friends reunited site a lot and write messages to people but they just ignored me. I feel I've been used, chewed up and spat out. I feel that I was just a fucking stepping stone that was constantly trodden on.

    Part of me wonders if people would remember me if I died, or just couldn't care less and get on with their married lives or whatever.

    That's another thing. There was a girl I fancied really badly and now she's married. I bet she doesn't even know who I am.

    I can't even believe I'm typing all this out! I know they are millions of people out there with worse problems than me, but when you're depressed for what seems like forever, I feel I really want to be the centre of attention. I want people to recognise me. To just treat me like a friend no matter what I look like or what I sound like. At the moment I feel like everyone except me are all heartless bastards.

    All I want is friends.

    Since I've got nothing else to lose, I am going to set myself a countdown. If nothing special happens within the next two months, that's it. I AM DEAD.

    So that's me really. Happy go lucky Rob. The guy who everyone insults.

    I can just picture my gravestone.

    Some poor twat that couldn't handle the big wide world. :laugh::laugh::laugh:

    the end