Sometimes it's best

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Ashes2ashes, Nov 15, 2007.

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  1. Ashes2ashes

    Ashes2ashes Guest

    dearest world
    you will never know the pain within the realms of my heart. you will never hear my heartbeat slam against my chest. you will never know the feat I feel. the raging fear that hits my body and shakes me uncontrollably. I can never speak of the hell i have been through, so i won't. I won't speak of my past. I will not speak of the pain of being tortured the way i have. I will not speak of the gripping horror of knowing that the thoughts and emotions can come tumbling back without notice. They can control your every waking hour. Keeping you locked in a cage, forever.
    world, I am not longed for you. i am not meant to be here. i have tried to escape the feeling i've felt the past few weeks. i've tried to ignore it. i've tried to push the feelings down. I've tried to get past the feelings. I can't break free of it. I can't let go. I hold onto it all and I let it destroy me. I have never asked for people to care. All i ask of now is for someone to remember me for who I was before it all. to remember me for who I was and not who I've become. to the ones that doubted me, that thought i'd become nothing. Well, you were right. I am nothing. You've won. I give up. I surrender. I shall hand over to you my mind, body and soul.
    I've wracked my mind for days trying to think of solutions to carry on, reasons to hold on. There are none.Zero. Zilch. I've cried too long, too hard. Why fight? just why. It won't matter in the end

    ashes to ashes and dust to dust
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Don't try to ignore your feelings. They are hard to deal with but you need to do it. If you don't you will never stop feeling so bad. Post them here, as often as you need. It's like writing them on a paper and putting it in a bottle and throwing it out to sea. You never know who will find that bottle and answer your letter. I did and I want to help you with your feelings. PM me and let's see what we can do.
  3. Ashes2ashes

    Ashes2ashes Guest

    such a loving and supportive site.39 reads 1 reply. i love the support. shows a person howmuch they realy should die.
  4. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    No, it shows that maybe lots of people read it, but weren't sure what to reply to your situation..
    I've been through many threads where I don't know what to say, and therefore don't reply..
  5. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Don't know if you are new, should you be I welcome you on SF.


    support is not only in the 'replying' to a post.
    support is not always found in a reply either.
    support is not THE reason to go on nor its lack for givng up.

    each has skills, each has its own dwellings, each has its time for
    answering, participating.

    do not expect from others what they might not be able to give at a certain moment; it doesn't mean they do not care or fail to comprehnd how you feel.

    there shouldn't be expectations from anyone period. not trying to be harsh nor coming down on you, but expectations is unrealistic both online and offline and only leads to deceptions; oft cause of despair in real life.

    WHO feels right to answer, finds words to express concern or can verbalize their compassion in whatever way should be taken as a showing of caring; even a lack of reply ....... in the 'taking time to read your post' shows interest not the opposite.

    I am sorry you feel the way you feel, none is insensible to your pain.

    I do not know the bottom line of your pain(s) therefore can offer limited support yet can tell you that I do care.

    Perhaps when you start sharing what bothers you, what you've been though people will start relating and be able to find words of comfort and compassion and comprehension.......and tell you that 'yes' they do comprehend why you feel this way.

    Abacus is right. Out of words, we keep silent yet care. Please do not misjudge neither this forum nor the forumers. Give them, us, a chance but help us understand.

    We do know and understand what pain is and of variuos type of pain-hurting. Look around in the forum and see if a sub-forum is appropriated to the reason(s) of your own dwelling and share with those that can relate a chance to show you compassion and caring.

    Wishing you well and stay safe.
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2007
  6. ashes2ashes

    ashes2ashes Guest

    <mod edit Jenny - please do NOT attack members of this forum for trying to support you> a simple reply out of those 39 reads, a simple fuckin' hug showing that maybe they understand woud be sufficient. So fuck the support. okay.

    and abacus i dont know what to say sometimes in a thread but i still let them knwo im there for them...fuckin sucks when 1 person out of what 40....replied. thanks to the first replier at least one person out of thousands give a fuck.
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2007
  7. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    So, this is who I think it is, I'm here if you need to talk. Stay safe. :hug:
  8. notnow

    notnow New Member

    The world is much larger than any given moment we perceive. A lot of people on this site have pain unique to themselves. Many of us are suffering and feel completely at the end of our ropes. We ask for help when we think we have no where else to turn, and if we don't get the help we need, our sorrows deepen and sometimes the rage sinks in, reminding us of all the times we've been let down by reasonable expectations before.

    There are MANY, MANY people on this site who feel like they won't make it through the next year, next week, or even the next hour. I've been there at many times throughout my life, and a lot of people here could agree.

    This site is helping me to realize that I can still care about life and living. I read the posts and find myself caring... about people, who just like me, are in a really tough spot with their emotions. I don't respond, because I'm new here, timid, don't stick around in any one place for very long, and have trouble committing to my own life, my own friends and family right now. Maybe there are 40 other people online right now feeling the exact same way.

    When our emotions are so intense, it scares people in our community, most of whom aren't feeling their emotions in their bodies so intensely. Their bodies, brains, and situations are different than ours. Differences (and our illnesses make us quite different from what we perceive to be "normal" people) have historically estranged people and even started wars.

    But on this forum, people aren't so scared of each other. Instead, if you look through a lot of the posts, you'll find that most people are eager to reconnect with caring, sharing, seeking help for themselves, and living with less pain. They take turns trying to pull each other out of the darkness, realizing time after time that we're all in this together even though we're alone, that it feels good to communicate, and that our sorrows are real and valid. It's good practice for when we're ready to try interacting with our environment again.

    We do give a fuck. Sometimes, it's all we have to give, and sometimes, it's enough to keep going.
  9. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    I am sorry if you feel we are not showing you enough support yet see that giving time for each and all to come to read and take knowledge of your post will get answers.

    There are a lot of people registered to the forum yet we do not connect round the clock nor all at the same time.

    You will get more answers as time passes. Give us all a chance. I might not have used the right words Ashes2Ashes, I might not be the best person to provide in what you seek and need yet by replying even if incorrectly, the bottom line is that I did acknowledge your presence and expressed my concern for you.

    I do understand and do recognise youre in pain without knowledge of the 'why'..... just what you have shared in your post. I can offer you compassion, caring and understanding together or in turns.

    Do not slam the door to those trying to make a step in your direction and reach you.... please :(

    I am very sorry if you misunderstood my post though. :arms:

    Be well and stay safe :hug:

  10. ashestoashes

    ashestoashes Guest

    Jessus i dont know who you think this is but i highly doubt you know me or would want to. so take care
  11. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    There are some people here who'd do anything for anyone, regardless of whether they know them or not. - Endinday is one of those people, by the looks of it. :)

    It's the beauty of this forum, if you like..
  12. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :eek:hmy: Too bad they weren't talking to Endinday, Joe. :tongue: Anyways. ashestoashes, even if I don't know you, I'm still here if you want to talk, my PM box is open, take care, stay safe. :hug:
  13. Ashes2Ashes

    Ashes2Ashes Guest

    Honestly, Abacus don't make me fuckin' laugh. Please. You post in here acting like you care, trying to make it look as if Endinday cares. When you sign off at the end of the day I'm just another faded nobody on the screen. No second guesses, no second worries. Just another dead soul on the end of a screen. Fuck the concern and be real.

    Jessus thanks for the concern but it's not needed. i know where my place is in life. the bottom of the barrel with a bullet in my brain.
  14. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Dear Ashes2Ashes, you care to come here asking for someone/forumers to show they care yet pushing away those that do.

    Perhaps due to my being over the hill and down, I fail to undersand. :sad:

    What is it that you exactly want, need or expect from us (forumers)? :unsure:

    Be well and stay safe
  15. Harrowdown

    Harrowdown Well-Known Member

    the fact you keep answering shows you want help
    the fact we keep answering shows we care

    how long will you 'test' us before you can accept it?
  16. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :hug: I'll be concerned whether it's needed or not, here if you need me.
  17. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    I'm not going to get into an argument with you - I haven't got the energy.
    If I didn't care, why would I post in this thread?
    If others didn't care, why would they post in this thread? - Answer those questions - people here do care.

  18. Ashes2Ashes

    Ashes2Ashes Guest

    Why would you post in this thread? B/c i bitched that no one was responding aside from one guilt. Why would you post in this thread? b/c I attacked so you had to moderate. Aside from that ABACUS when I post logged in you wouldn't give me second thought, come to think of it you've never answered a thread of mine aside from moderating so give it a rest. You don't care, so you can sit there on your high horse and keep convincing yourself that you care, keep on keeping on.

    Why would other post in this thread? Read above and to add on to make themselves feel better. So again keep on keeping on.
  19. Harrowdown

    Harrowdown Well-Known Member

    then i guess we can't help you

    not unless you want it
  20. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    I'm sorry you feel like that, but as I have no idea who you are, I can't comment on your threads that I've moderated.

    I do care, but if you feel I don't, then there's not a lot I can do to change your opinion.
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