sometimes people just seem clueless

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by metamorphosis17, Oct 19, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. metamorphosis17

    metamorphosis17 Well-Known Member

    I feel like I'm the only person that can tell that there's anything seriously wrong with me (well, aside from those I try really hard to share with, such as right now on this forum), and that most others are overestimating my ability to reason, or somehow determined to see the positive in everything. It's too the point where I feel like I can't even get this one friend to see that there really is a problem with me.

    I get so tired of trying to explain it to them somehow, and I think they must get tired of it, too.
    But, that's not good either, because then I just stop trying to communicate completely, and start wondering why I even bother with them on a regular basis. Then I want to shut them out.

    It feels like none of the people in my life are ever going to just understand that sometimes those close to you REALLY can be in sh*t. It's as though they can't imagine there's something wrong with me, because they 'like' or 'love' me and so there can't be anything wrong with those they idealize.

    It's compulsive optimism and positivity, to the point of shutting reality out.
    It makes my skin crawl sometimes.

    Then I really want to cut, just to reassure myself that something truly is wrong, that I'm not just some worthless drama queen making it all up.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is very hard for people to understand mental illness if they themselves have not had it.
    No one can understand the depth of confusion of sadness of pain.
    It is better to talk to someone who has been there themselves thus you get no judgement like here or even a professional who has suffered then gone onto help people they get it hugs to you
  3. Lana

    Lana Well-Known Member

    Hey hun. Sometimes people don't know how to handle someone else's pain and they may not understand it at all, not matter how hard you try and explain it to them. I actually lost a really good friend at the beginning of highschool when I was depressed. We started talking again this year, but I didn't realize it at the time that she didn't understand it at all and couldn't handle what I was going through. You don't have to stop being friends with them, but maybe talk to people who have been there and who have a better understanding.
  4. metamorphosis17

    metamorphosis17 Well-Known Member

    Thanks you both. I know it's unrealistic to expect this from people who haven't been there. I get so frustrated feeling I can't meet my own needs and need someone else to fill the hole.

    I also don't know how to just be positive around positive people. Often they are really trying to help as much as they can, they are doing everything in their power, even if it's limited like the everyone else's. They mean no harm, they just don't understand.

    I do need to just talk to new people! Thanks for reminding me, I'm usually too shy to try, I keep trying the same old thing over and over again expecting different results: definition of insanity right there :p
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    NOt insanity hun just our comfort zone it is so hard to go outside that box so to speak. Trying something different takes courage hun but that is what we need to do iguess to see change happen hugs toyou
  6. ThinkingCap

    ThinkingCap Well-Known Member

    Ah yes, this. Thanks, I've been trying to put into words why I want to cut more and a part of it is that cutting represents that there's something wrong. I feel like if I didn't have these scars, no one would really take me seriously or it would be easier to believe that I was making everything up.

    Honestly, it helps to find people how have been there or can be sympathetic. But that's kinda dangerous because finding someone who has been there can also mean finding someone who is triggering or otherwise bad for you. I have a friend right now who would listen if I had something wrong but cannot understand it at all, and doesn't understand why I just straight up skip class sometimes or do cut at all. But even though they don't understand, if they're good friends, they still want to help.

    Maybe try telling them that there is something seriously wrong and that you would appreciate it if they thought about that? Or going to a therapist to figure out if you're expressing yourself adequately so that other people understand. Best of luck, truly. It's a rough spot to have your pain invalidated/ignored all the damn time.

  7. JustJacoby

    JustJacoby New Member

    I have only started cutting recently. I showed a very close friend the day after my first time at school. She said "Oh, Jacoby! I had a feeling this would happen! Don't let any teachers see, I have some concealor I'll lend you." She didn't seem alarmed at all like I thought she'd be. I was actually scared she'd run and tell our counselor, Mr. Birge, whose already been on my case recently because he knows I'm depressed and is frustrated since I won't get help. If he knew I cut myself, he'd call my mom, make me go to a therapist where I'll get perscribed anti-depressants. Word will get around school and I'll see a million more reasons to cut. Anyway, this friend of mine has no idea what exactly I think about, but she knows about my situation and supports me more than anyone else right now. However, when I try and talk to her anymore, she switchs everything around so it's about her. She plays the "my life is so difficult" card all the time, but she has no idea what it's like to feel worthless and disgusting and... wrong
  8. the_unknown

    the_unknown Banned Member

    Yes the cluelessness of important people in our lives makes it more painful. My family (which I consider one of the things I have left) can't even see that I have problems except when I break stuff or when I lash out at them. That was before. I don't do those things now so they really think I am miraculously fine. Sometimes their non-intervention makes me hate them. Its like they are not really aware of how I feel.

    Can they not even see that their son has...... nevermind, they won't notice it.

    Even when I try to open up sometimes my so called "friends" just shrug it off. This is the only place where people can understand me, most of us for that matter... The world is just cruel and non-caring....
  9. metamorphosis17

    metamorphosis17 Well-Known Member

    I thought I found someone a few weeks ago that i could talk to...

    I may have been sadly mistaken.

    But whatever, what else is new? It's never the way I think it is. No one can really relate to me. I don't see it happening any time soon.

    I've decided I'm just going to self-injure tonight...
    it makes living a bit easier.
  10. metamorphosis17

    metamorphosis17 Well-Known Member

    So I've been cutting on and off all night. Grabbed some razor blades from my father's tool-storage room, and I've been at it all night. i cut really deep for me on my arm. I should care, I really should give a damn...
    But I am drunk and don't even care about the scar. It will match the other arm now. Maybe I can be at peace with the way my arms look now...I feel like I really, honestly got this "symmetry" thing fixed now...

    I hope! Well, I can't predict how the scar will turn out, but I know that it kinda looks the same based on what I remember of what I did to the other arm. So they should look more symmetrical now...

    I am so many sorts of f*cked up, I swear.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.