Sometimes the feeling is stronger

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rosiex, Oct 7, 2009.

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  1. Rosiex

    Rosiex Member

    Sometimes I really really want to kill myself.

    And then sometimes I just want to kill myself.

    And then finally, other times I figure I'll just wait one more day (which, obviously so far as been the outcome of the cycle).

    I'm afraid if things don't start to get better soon though, I'll go through with it. Which I don't think would be an awful thing in hindsight.

    What I could really use right now is $1200 for EMT-training school which my parents so graciously decided to not pay for anymore.

    I get paid minimum wage and JUST started this literally signed the papers today.

    The school starts November's not happening, so I feel like I'm going to be working for this shit fast-food restaurant for at least the next year.
    This doesn't help any, in the desired suicide department.

    I just don't know what to do anymore.
    I've really just about given up and I think I need to completely.
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Can you get financial aid for the EMT training?


    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    as i can sympathise with your situation. i know alot of young folks that worked alot of hours to put themselves through school on their own.
    i can understand how you feel when your parents nuked their involvment in helping pay. what i would do is, check with the school and find out payment arangements. or like char said, financial aide.

    dont just shut down your life because of this. find a way to do it.
    best wishes

  4. Rosiex

    Rosiex Member

    Well I mean thats not the only reason why I'm suicidal.

    But the school I was looking into doesn't work for financial aid.
    My parents said they'd consider paying for me to go to community college to become a medical assistant (the ones who answer the phones and what-not at the doctors offices) NEXT fall and thats not what I want to do.

    I have a passion for EMS and I don't plan on going with anything other than that
  5. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    If that's your dream, you should really stick to it no matter what.

    Maybe you could work this year and save the money so next year you have the money to finance your education. That or you could get a part-time job to pay the course? Sure your free time would suffer, but at least you'd be fulfilling your dream.

    If you also want to talk about what else ails you, we'll be all hears.
  6. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    My husband is an EMT/Firefighter. He received his training for EMT at the local community college. Perhaps you can combine EMT training with a related AA degree that will be very good for your future career. Also, financial aid is available at community colleges.
  7. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    There is very good advice in the above post by Chargette. Also, maybe you can go the college route, become a medical assistant and use the money you make there to take the EMT classes.
  8. HawthornePassage

    HawthornePassage Well-Known Member

    I think the biggest test of whether you're really ready to go is whether you would be happy at the top of society. Like if you had a great job, drove a BMW, maybe even had a high level of power. Would you be happier? Or would there still be something missing?

    To me, a lot of people are just missing the fundamental 'meaning', but have a hard time hitting that so they gravitate to more 'superficial' reasons I guess. But you said this was not the only reason you felt this way, so maybe you realize that already. I can see how stuff like this makes it worse though, same for me. Like if I was rich, had a real easy life, could just numb shit up with hard drugs all the time, I guess I'd probably feel things a bit less. But it wouldn't be gone.

    Anyway, that is just my experience with things....I think since those times when I was depressed I've changed a lot in many ways, but even without that change I know that the main thing was just the 'emotional void' and 'lack of people there'.
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