Sometimes I really really want to kill myself. And then sometimes I just want to kill myself. And then finally, other times I figure I'll just wait one more day (which, obviously so far as been the outcome of the cycle). I'm afraid if things don't start to get better soon though, I'll go through with it. Which I don't think would be an awful thing in hindsight. What I could really use right now is $1200 for EMT-training school which my parents so graciously decided to not pay for anymore. I get paid minimum wage and JUST started this job...like literally signed the papers today. The school starts November 11...it's not happening, so I feel like I'm going to be working for this shit fast-food restaurant for at least the next year. This doesn't help any, in the desired suicide department. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've really just about given up and I think I need to completely.