I do not want to die. At least not right now. But, sometimes the urge comes on so strong, unexpected and i am just so scared i might actually do it. Actually, thats not really what i mean. I guess i am scared that if i do it, i might feck it up. I might still live and be damaged. I might die in pain, yes i am a coward. Mostly, i need to stick around for my kids. confused and in so much pain.