Sometimes

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by total eclipse, Jan 7, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I wander sometimes if there is more wrong with me than right. i don't make sense sometimes i hate me so much i don't even care anymore I just need to get well and stay well so i am strong again I HATE ME like this i hate me so much.
     
  2. But i do not hate you.
     
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    But it is a part of you. And I love all the parts of you. Yes this part of you is the most trying and self defeating. And yes it takes everything you've got to stay one step ahead of this part. But you can do it. You have before and will again. And with the proper help and support you will be well again hun.

    You keep saying in posts about needing to grow up. Hun this is as grown up as it can get. This isnt the little person you. This is the grown up person you that is shouting and angry and wants to explode. The little person would be hiding and suffering alone in the dark with all the monsters.

    Please please stop being so hard on yourself. It's okay to be angry too. To hurt and feel lost about yourself. It's not ok to try and keep it in and hide it away. I'm listening and so are others. So get it out. Lean on others and use their strength to help you through this.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am so sad just want to cry but cant i wish i don't know i just want the sadness to go away the complete exhaustion to go away. I don't want to be this way I help people stay well but i can't even stay well myself I can wear the mask so well of being fine being okay but all i want to do is go away Itried I even went out and bought some new baby clothes for the baby my son's baby coming in may I am trying so hard to be happy for all of them but i amtired i am sad and i hate myself when i cry i hateme okay and i don't know why ido but i do hate me so much I understand your pain as everday ifight to ignore it because i have to but t here is so much pain and sadness its killing me slowly Maybe one day i will go to sleep and god will take me away he will see i need peace i just need to know she will be okay im sorry i just want peace and i can't find it inside outside just pain ffffff im not making sense but i think a person canonly suffer so much can only fight so long and god is cruel for he knows i can't leave her or any of them but he won't let me heal I AM NOT HER and i never will be again NEVER NEVER NEVER leave me alone all of them i am good now oh god whats wrong with me i just want to go away i can't do this m m m your okay no im not okay i am far from it oh god help me someone help me take the paiin away the sadness away Hell with it i am fine i am just fine. i always am just so fff fine. I am sorry for this post really some tears came in writing it so maybe the pain will be less now thanks for understanding okay and not for not being mad im sorry for everything oh ohohohoh
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.