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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SmolderingIce, Aug 18, 2012.

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  1. SmolderingIce

    SmolderingIce Well-Known Member

    Sometimes I feel as if I'll never get out of this rut. I don't have any major problems; no outside cause to my depression..
    It just exists.
    I feel lonely because I lost 2 very important people in my life, but I have others.. People who I would die for. But not people I love.. Just people I care about.
    I lost my ability to love. I loved someone once, and he hasn't given back my heart yet. I doubt he even knows he still has it. It's been 4 years.. But he is no longer in my life either.

    People tell me to spill my thoughts and feelings, but I don't know where to begin.. So I tried to begin. But I'm not sure if it flows or makes any sense.

    I feel hollow. Incapable of letting people in, yet needing people to fill this constant void. I try to immerse myself with achievable goals and things to do.. But what is life without the people around you? Why do anything at all if there is nobody to share the accomplishments, the failures, the pain..

    I don't know what I'm looking for, if anything, by posting this.. But I thought id try and reach out to someone that would listen. Even if it's only for a brief few minutes.. And even though I do not know the point of still being alive, I seem to find myself still being alive, so I figure I'm alive for something..
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I agree with almost every thing you just said. I'm sorry for your losses. They can be nearly impossible to get over. I think that the thing you have to remember about depression is that it is a biological, medical condition--a disease of the brain. And so we don't need to have any noteworthy reason to feel this way. It's okay, insofar as it's not our fault, in that sense. I know what you mean when you speak of love long lost. I guess it's been about three and a half years since I said good bye to the sweetest girl I've ever known. And it's almost mind-boggling how to this day, it can still destroy me (that is, my good cheer). I hope you find some thing that makes you feel happy, and gives you hope. Because you seem such an interesting individual to me, I think your future will be bright.
  3. SmolderingIce

    SmolderingIce Well-Known Member

    Thanks.. I hope I find something too.
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