song of awful

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by VALIS, Oct 14, 2011.

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  1. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    orange bottles, all lined up
    like troops on the front line
    fighting the battle of me
    ready to be swallowed
    oh, we're losing the war

    And there's a molecule
    for every stupid complaint
    there's a chemical answer
    Just don't feel, I won't feel
    float above the comedown

    (just typed it into the field and it gave itself a melody. oh great)
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I like it :) (I can see your army of bottles so clearly in my mind!)
  3. GreyCat

    GreyCat Well-Known Member

    I can totally relate to this.
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    So well written and so sad...J
  5. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    thanks. i think it needs to be song lyrics because of the last line, it sounds pretty weak and unoriginal. maybe i'm projecting. it should be covered up with noise. I like the rest of it ok.
  6. HawthornePassage

    HawthornePassage Well-Known Member

    the world is like a 'chaotic but painfully predictable swirling mess of black and white dots'

    i stole that from somewhere
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