I think it's any day now. The nightmares are exhausting and I feel completely alone. I can't be there for him and I am so depressed I can hardly breathe. I am tired and feel completely alone. I am the most selfish person right now. Why can't I be there? I want to die. I want to go home. This is not my home anymore. It never will be. I don't deserve him or anybody else. I am worthless and sick. It wouldn't be much of a loss. He would be so much happier without me. The best way is not to exist anymore. I can't stand the thought of the torment I will endure as a result of abandonment again. I tried before and the other one cut me down. I'm done. Goodnight.