soon hopefully

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by music_addict, Nov 28, 2007.

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  1. music_addict

    music_addict Well-Known Member

    i feel like shit. way worst then i usually do.
    Ive just been dwelling on all the horrible shit in my life. Like the fact that no one in my entire life has ever genuinely told me they love me. Not one! My parents died when i was an infant and foster and group homes are horrible places to have to grow up. Especially when your the quite kid in the corner that everyone labels a freak and wont have anything to do with you.

    Anyway, i have never felt love, nor have i ever had a significant other and im pretty damn sure i never will. No one has ever needed me, ever held me, ever been with me when the going gets tough. i have never experienced an intimate moment, a gentle kiss, a passiontate embrace. You know how much that hurts?
    Whenever i see a couple happily walking down the sidewalk i die a little bit more inside. And please dont tell me that im better off having no relationships than having a relationship and then gettin my heart broken. Because its not true. You dont realize how deeply the pain of lonliness is. and im not talking about a post break up lonliness, i mean a life long lonliness. Thats something that has left me completely dead inside.

    So yeah... I will be gone within a week, that i am certain. I will not fail this time.
    I just wrote this because i want somebody, anybody to at least know that I existed. That i was once here and that this world has destroyed me.
    The thought of death is the only thing that brings me happiness.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 28, 2007
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry to hear you have never been told by anyone that you are loved. Sometimes people don't know how to say those words. They show it through actions or in some other way. Perhaps there was someone you can think of that did. I agree that the foster system leaves a lot to be desired. There are good foster families out there, but not enough that genuinely do care for the children they take in. I hope you are able to find a reason to last longer than a week. You are a valuable person and I would hate to see something happen to you. Please hold on to whatever you can. you never know what the future just might hold. :hug:
     
  3. Wierd

    Wierd Well-Known Member

    I know it is painful, but there are other things than relationships that are satisfying in life, if you look hard enough. Don't give up yet!
     
  4. music_addict

    music_addict Well-Known Member

    yeah, there definetely are other satisfiying things in life. For example, playing music and i play guitar for hours a day. In fact, i think playing music is what has kep me alive this long.
    But thats not enough, everyone needs someone to love them. and i will never get that. and that is so depressing, so fucking depressing to know that.
    death is the only path that i can see that will provide me with some peace.
     
  5. WhyMeWhy

    WhyMeWhy Well-Known Member

    I really feel for you. Every person deserves happiness in their life! But what about hope? Isn't there hope that things will change for the better? Can you see that if you just hold on, one day you can experience all that you have been missing out on/all that you'd like to enjoy? I mean, Idk... but I think that if you are curious about "the other side" because of your bad times in life... well... what if things are worse somehow after "the end"? Nobody knows! Atleast if you stick around there's the chance that things will become better for you.... what do you have to lose(don't answer that I know you're thinkin things will continue on the same and you don't want that)? If I could I'd reach into my inner well of consciousness and find the resevior of hope contained within me. I'd instill more within you. As rediculous as that sounds I say that hope is what you need.
     
  6. ace

    ace Well-Known Member



    I'm really so sorry what you've had to endure in your life:sad,I really feel for you and your thread has touched me.I really wish and knew there was a way I could help,I'm so sorry these are just words and they mean so much and are no way as near as the love you deserve.
     
  7. Invictus

    Invictus Member

    All I can say is that I totally identify with what you have said in this thread. Your reasons for not wanting to go on are pretty much exactly the same as mine. I am going to the doctors in a couple of hours in the hope that they can at least help me in some way, which is odd as I am not sure I want to be helped.

    Maybe there is someone you could seek help from? I dont know, just wish you all the best.
     
  8. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    i haven't had an upbringing like you but i hope i can understand how lonely you have been around ppl who were never family, i am sorry you have never felt the love you have been craving for.

    please don't give up yet though, there are ppl here to talk to and to help you come to terms with your life and maybe give some hope for the future.

    you will never be alone here

    take care and stay safe
     
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