i feel like shit. way worst then i usually do. Ive just been dwelling on all the horrible shit in my life. Like the fact that no one in my entire life has ever genuinely told me they love me. Not one! My parents died when i was an infant and foster and group homes are horrible places to have to grow up. Especially when your the quite kid in the corner that everyone labels a freak and wont have anything to do with you. Anyway, i have never felt love, nor have i ever had a significant other and im pretty damn sure i never will. No one has ever needed me, ever held me, ever been with me when the going gets tough. i have never experienced an intimate moment, a gentle kiss, a passiontate embrace. You know how much that hurts? Whenever i see a couple happily walking down the sidewalk i die a little bit more inside. And please dont tell me that im better off having no relationships than having a relationship and then gettin my heart broken. Because its not true. You dont realize how deeply the pain of lonliness is. and im not talking about a post break up lonliness, i mean a life long lonliness. Thats something that has left me completely dead inside. So yeah... I will be gone within a week, that i am certain. I will not fail this time. I just wrote this because i want somebody, anybody to at least know that I existed. That i was once here and that this world has destroyed me. The thought of death is the only thing that brings me happiness.