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#1
My life has been leading me towards suicide for decades now. Slowly but surely its been pushing me to it and now its completely become something that cant be survived. The level of pain and torment its become just can not even be coped with by any means. Forces stronger than me obviously want me dead by my own hand. Whatever these forces are theyve finally won.
 

JDot

J to the Dizzle O to the Tizzle
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#2
Hi @Cursed712 I'm sorry you feel you're being driven to suicide. Could you tell us more about what's going on? What are these forces?
 
#3
Well mistakenly had 2 kids with a malevolent psychopath woman. That was pretty much the nail in my coffin. Before that was just years of severe depression from evil that was following me. Its very hard to explain it all my life is just in a stranglehold by pure evil forces and now that i was pathologically fooled into having kids with the devils daughter theres no way out. I could seriously write a book.
 
#4
I 'get' that feeling of 'evil following me wherever I go' and 'I was meant to be a suicide'. Both those feelings stink for sure, but please consider that they may not be for sure things. Believe me, I used to think like that, and it is horrible torment on yourself. All sorts of goofy religious stuff I would do/think, nightmares, I even considering getting an exorcist at one point. But I'm free of that now, and I can tell you I have absolutely zero fear of that kind of stuff anymore. Now, it could still happen, I just don't have the worry part usually anymore. That's the difference.

From what it sounds like, ya, you're burned out and need serious change. Your car is on the rack and was just told you need a new engine, your computer has crashed, and your banana split has melted(I personally like that one lol). You've made mistakes, but try not to be so hard on yourself for something that wasn't your intent, like having kids with the psycho hose beast. What I would suggest to start is; slow down, breathe a little, start taking things/problems day by day, one at a time. Realize the things you have control of, and the things you honestly do not. Do NOT be burdened by things that are not your fault, because that guilt is a giant that will step all over before you have a chance to say no(easier said than done, I know). And then when you are tired, all wound up, confused, and/or full of hate, that's when it's easier for these 'forces' to control you, rather than you controlling them which is not only possible, but is key.

I don't know your situation exactly, or what it will take to fix it, or even if it can be fixed, but I can tell you this. Years of abuse and depression did not happen overnight, nor will anything lasting positive happen in a day also. But, you'd be surprised what can be achieved once you start going down the right path, and dealing with things in the best and most productive way you can. So 'What is the right path?' you ask? Well, unfortunately this is were you are going to have to go it alone to a point, figuring that out as you go along.

For right now, I would just keep talking, both to this website and other's in your life who are not toxic, or at least have some sense of empathy. Collect information about your situation, get others opinion. I don't know what else you deal with, but the 'children' thing is not an uncommon problem with many other men suffering just like you. Hope some of this helps you, peace
 

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