Soon To Be Missed

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Keiran, Mar 15, 2011.

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  1. Keiran

    Keiran Well-Known Member

    For a long time I have thought about my situation, my feelings, and what I'm going to do about it.

    I had a friend who I started to tell about all this to. She told me I was stronger than this, that I can get through this and not have to resort to anything bad.

    I believed her. I knew she was right.

    I come back because it turns out, I am not strong enough. I cannot bear this life anymore.

    I have 2 friends that I can talk to about this. Probably the 2 only true friends I have, even though I've never hung out with either of them or anything, I have just talked to them on Facebook and such.

    I told both of these people, I promised if I ever were to think about doing anything ever again, I would tell them, and talk to them about it. Well, over the past few months, I have kinda lost touch with one of the people. We chatted the other day for the first time in a while, and that was it. I don't really think it's going anywhere from there.

    As for the other person, I told her about all of this not long ago, and she is the one who said I am strong enough to get through this. Soon here I will get a chance to talk to her and tell her about all of this, how I'm not strong enough, and how I can't take any of this anymore. I want out.

    I'd hate to just be talking to her and like "No, I can't make it through this" and then kill myself, because I feel like that would make her think she didn't do enough to stop me, but it's really not her fault. And no one will be able to stop me.

    I'm going to do this. Soon. Very soon. Give me a few days, I'll be gone. I can't take any more of this, and I just want out. My worthless life is starting to screw with other people's lives as well, and that's just not right.
     
  2. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    Hi Keiran, I'm sorry to hear you are struggling so much at the moment, but please don't stop fighting. I understand you don't feel strong enough but you are to have come this far. Talk to your friend if you can, explain just how difficult this is, and look at different ways to overcome this. Are you on any medication for mental health? If not, can you think about going to the doctors to talk about the possibility of trying meds? The don't work for everyone, but for a LOT of people it helps elevate their mood slightly. Also, have you thought about therapy, or seeing a counselor? If you are struggling right now, it may be beneficial to have someone to talk this through with, especially as you don't have many friends. Can you explain a bit more about what is going on for you? Please keep posting and letting people here try to help. If you need to talk, I'm here.

    Thinking of you :arms:
     
  3. schuman

    schuman Member

    hey Keiran,
    can u explain a bit more about whats going on ...
    if u need to talk, u can always pm me or email me.

    regards,
     
  4. Keiran

    Keiran Well-Known Member

    There's so much to say, I don't know where to begin...I've been depressed for years, but never really thought about actually killing myself until recently. I don't do anything, I don't go anywhere, I have those two friends I mentioned, and no more than that. Im not good at anything, and every time something bad happens, it happens to me.

    And when I say its screwing other people lives, well for example I got my brother a ticket for not wearing my seatbelt.

    Just a bunch of random shit that all adds together and makes this.

    Never taken meds, never had therapy. I've told my parents about all of this and all it did is make it all worse. My mom didn't do shit to help me except keep asking "how are you feeling today" and all these other damn question im like shut the fuck up god damn.

    I don't think there's anything or anyone to stop me.
     
  5. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    When you suffer with depression for years, I know things can seem pretty hopeless. Especially when suicidal thoughts enter the equation too, that can be frightening. It sounds as if your self esteem is low, maybe you can talk to a doctor about somehow finding a way to improve that? I know I am banging on about doctors alot, but honestly, I think it is at least worth a try going and see what they say. Please at least think about it. Instead of just going to your mom, who probably tried her hardest and did what she thought was best but didn't handle it the best way, make an appointment with a doctor, see what they have to say.
    Reaching out and posting on here is really positive, please let us try and support you, like you deserve
     
  6. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I'm thinking of telling my mum about my mental state in the near future, I'll just give her a letter about it as I walk off to school. I'm actually kind of pissed off that she doesn't seem to think I'm depressed or atleast 'troubled'. But I guess that's parents for ya, too fucking stupid to see what's actually infront of them. :laugh:

    Are you still on your meds Keiran? I can't remember if you said you had stopped them or not. I think you should tell your mum that you think you need a med change. And have you ever tried therapy?

    Hope things are going better atm. :hug:
     
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