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  1. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    I wanna throw in the towel soon... I don't know when.. But soon.

    I'm tired of letting people down, and upsetting them..
    But as it turns out, it's what I'm destined for...
    So by dieing.. I let everyone down....

    Soon.. Maybe this weekend??
    When I'm gone visiting family..

    I'm not sure.. But in reality..
    these four years have been true hell for me..

    I cause so much pain to people I love...

    Why Not Just end it??

  2. janie

    janie Well-Known Member

    for one- cos ur only 14?

    and what have you been doing? going around killing people's children for the fun of it? im sure the pain you've caused other people have not been intentional and you shouldnt be so hard on yourself about it.

    and sometimes people upset themselves over things that are like ""ok WHO CARES that doesnt mean the end of the world". you definitly shouldnt end your life if thats what you mean by causing other people pain-sometimes everyone needs to just take a huge step back and think "is this really worth getting this upset about?"

    what have you done exactly rachel? (im just curious now)
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    What has gone on the last 4 years that have made things a living hell for you? Were the first 10 bad? You have so many years for things to change and get better. It is not time to throw in the towel. I am sure the people you think you have hurt would rather you remain in their lives. Maybe you think the pain you caused them is worse to you than they think it is. Stay safe rach and take care of yourself. I want you to be around for a very long time. :hug:
  4. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member


    You helped me by replying to my thread, so now I'm hoping to do the same for you.

    I know how you feel when you say you want to end it soon.. I also feel that way. I have cut myself a few times now, and each time I know there's a chance of killing myself. But each time I think about how my family would feel if they found me like that and that usually stops me. I also have a lot of doubts about whether I would go through with it. And I figure as long as I have these doubts then I at least have some will to live. And that is worth fighting for, isn't it?

    It doesn't matter how many times you feel like you've let your family down (by the way, depression greatly distorts that number). What matters is that you keep fighting. High school is a particularly difficult time, so don't think the rest of your life is doomed to what you're experiencing in high school.

    Please pm me anytime you want, if you feel like talking.
  5. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    i've upset people i care about... I'm always pissing someone off that I really love and care for.. i'm also tired of trying to get over everything of my past.. its hard for me to accept, despite what i say to everyone.. it still haunts me.
  6. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    The first 10 weren't too bad.. but then I got raped.. and abused and raped again.. and I know I've got to just accept it and move on... But it still hurts me.. I'm still effected by it deeply.. And also the habbits that all brought to me.... I just wat to give up, and stop everything.
  7. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    Thank you for trying to help.. I just.. I dno't know as if those little doubts are stopping me anymore.. I feel the need to do this, and do it soon. I wanna break all habbits, and become finally "better" so to speak...

    I don't know, I sound crazy.. But I guess that's what happens.
  8. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member

    You don't sound crazy at all. What you're feeling is 100% natural for someone in your situation. I almost feel embarrassed for moaning about my problems, after listening to yours. You really have a lot going on, and I am very sorry for what happened to you!

    Are you seeing someone about these problems? I would suggest you make an appointment as soon as possible. Alternatively, keep posting here. It has helped you this far..

    Anyway, I hope my words don't seem hollow because I am in the same mindframe as you (just a better day perhaps..). Good luck! :hug:
  9. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    I have a therapist.. As far as she knows, everything is giong wonderfully...

    I hate talking in person about this. I don't know why.. I just do.

    I wish luck to you too.. And my problems aren't that big.. it could always be worse.
  10. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member

    I admire your courage for making it this far! I really do! It couldn't have been easy to talk to the therapist about these problems for the first time. It couldn't have been easy dealing with these suicidal feelings all this time at such a young age all alone. So please just put your plans on hold until you've talked this out with your therapist. It won't be easy, I know.. I told my therapist two days ago about my suicidal feelings, and it was very hard to do. But the fact that you made it this far, shows that you have the courage to do it. Keep us posted on what you decide to do. All the best!
  11. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    Telling my therapist, is so not an option. Hate to say it.. But I would never tell my therapist.
  12. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone... I'm gunna be okay..

    Just bear through this weekend with me,
    And I'll be around

    Thanks For your Replies<333
  13. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    keep yourself safe rachel hun :hug:
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