Soon

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Borrowed time*, Sep 18, 2010.

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  1. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    I have the day and the means.
    This Christmas will be my last.
     
  2. Jodi

    Jodi Staff Alumni

    (((Sunny)).....Please keep talking, you are ruminating with these thoughts right now, and you have the means, please lets stops this process, seek help immediately, do not let this go, their is help available, resources out there, things can be different, circumstances can change, but you need to be here alive to see them happen, please don't pick the permanent solution to your problems!
     
  3. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    I have said everything in previous posts. Theres nothing left to say. I actually feel guilty as everyone else has a reason to want to die. I have no reason, i just dont belong.

    I agree things change but the out come is always the same. There isnt any help available. No one believes me when i say how unhappy i am, they dont listen. I dont express myself very well either verbally or physically.

    Thank you for your reply
     
  4. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    I'm glad that you are not doing it soon, it gives you time to change your mind. Have you tried everything? If your doctor is lame and doesn't believe you, swap him or go to your local a&e and tell them if they don't do something you will kill yourself, i'm sure they will give you the help you need. I can never really get out what i want to say when i see my doctor, you could try writing it down. You are not alone feeling like you don't belong.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 18, 2010
  5. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    You wouldnt believe the amount the of times iv changed my mind. Its horrible not being able to come up with a solid choice. Lately i just wish i had died when i ended up in hospital as a kid. Things would be so much easier and my family wouldnt of had a chance to hate me. I could of died loved, as it is im going to die lonely and despised.
     
  6. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    I'm sure your family would be devastated. I hope you know you have people here that you can talk to. Things can change.
     
  7. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    Any normal family would, not my dysfunctional one. Unless they get sent the bill for my funeral.
     
  8. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    I did write it down, iv had the results from my blood test and been referred to a gynaecologist because they found there is an imbalance with my hormones. Maybe thats whats wrong. I dont know.
    I told him of my headache i had for 4 weeks which has started up again, i told him im getting 4 hours sleep a night if im lucky. I told him i feel down and suicidal all the time.

    I promised myself after my first two pathetic attempts that i would see if anything changed or i felt any better by the time my dog passes away i would stay. Things have changed, not always for the better but iv adapted and still come out the other end miserable and lonely.
     
  9. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    I doubt the result of your blood test are the cause, but they could be i know nothing about that. Are you on meds? I would think a headaches for four weeks would prompt some futher investigation. Again i know know nothing but if your current people are doing nothing, if for its your life, change them.
    Lack of sleep makes me feel really odd and unwell, if you can't change the other stuff you could try sorting that either asking for some meds or just buying some. I really think that would make you feel a bit better.
    If your lonely i guess try joining a club or something but saying that i can never seem to do it, so i understand.
     
  10. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    I guess we are quite similar then because i cant join clubs either. I wouldnt be able to talk to people.

    No im not on any meds but i do take 4 of my mums painkillers to be able to fall asleep. They say they cause drowsiness so iv been using them for the past year to help me fall asleep. I didnt tell the doctor that incase he stopped prescribing them to her.

    Its not there fault nothing is really being done. Its mine. I think the doctor saw how nervous i was just being there. I practically ran out of the room.
     
  11. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    You can't give up sunny, you just can't. :hug:
     
  12. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    I didnt want to start a new thread but iv now only got 2 weeks.
    Im grateful to every one on this site but its just not happening.
    My mum is throwing me out, i know people will say i can just get my own place but i have my reasons why i cant. I was going to do it christmas day, i had a plan where there was a good posibility they wouldnt find out what i had done. Now it looks like im going to have to do it at home and there going to have to roll my carcass outside. Oh well, something else they can hate me for.
     
  13. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    sunny, the hormones can make a difference to you train of thought. depression can be caused by imbalances in the brain. hun, please try and fight this. if you're not taking meds, try getting some 5htp. it will not only help you to sleep but it helps the brain to function better. it is totally natural and good for you. please try and fight this.
     
  14. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    dont give up sunny,you can put this on hold,imagine how youll feel if you do turn this round and work out your mum was holding you back and one day you phone her to brag how successful youve become and she asks you for help!
     
  15. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    .....
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 1, 2010
  16. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Please sunny. Don't put your parents through the grief of finding your dead body in the house. That will be a nightmare that will haunt them for the rest of their lives. Don't give in to the urges, no matter how strong. Have you tried reasoning with your mum about letting you stay? Maybe you have to pay rent or contribute more in the home?
     
  17. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    I know you guys are just trying to help but i dont know why. Without a reason i cant understand. No one who really knows me cares so why should some complete strangers. If you met me you wouldnt give a shit either. Im pathetic. Im only here to make other people happy about there own lives and to be used when they cant be bothered to do things.
    I feel the need to appologise as i keep promising not to bring my negativity here but it happens again and again and again. Maybe if i chop my hands off i will stop.
    For now i retreat
    Take care, thank you for replying
     
  18. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    sunny, i don't know you, but i do know and understand how you feel. stay with us. keep posting. let people on here help you. there are people here who do genuinly care.
     
  19. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    why would we want to help,well you seem like a nice person going through some stuff like all of us were all here for each other because others arent here for us,if i met you id say hey why so sad if you want to talk about it you can
    youre not pathetic,were all pathetic but maybe were the clever ones we know what we are its the others whove yet to learn the truth!
    and dont chop youre hands off A youll lose your watch/bracelet
    B youll have no hands!!!!!!
     
  20. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Sunny-85, you hold on here. We care about you. No matter what happens, you keep going. Take it a day at a time. You will feel better. Please keep posting here.:pinkrose:
     
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