for the most part, I have felt really lost about things. i guess that's nothing new, but at one point, I started to feel anxious and high with anxiety when I was walking through my downtown area. I had also went to an AA meeting and while I wanted to be there, I just felt out of place once I was there. Then, today I went to church..it's a small church, but it was kind of the same thing like when i was at the AA meeting the night before. I struggle with my faith in God. i feel like I'm the only one at the church that probably does. more so, there isa girl there, and I am interested in talking to her more. I feel guilty about this as well as afraid because I still hurt over being rejected by M.T. (Michelle) from a few years ago.(I don't like saying "hurt" but it did and I don't know what else to call it. ) I really don't feel like taking more chances anymore. I'm just tired of not being good enough. Sorry for rambling, but I'm too frustrated trying to explain all my feelings and concerns right now.