Sorry, but my life feeels so pointless

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sadhart, Oct 16, 2016.

  1. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    It's been awhile since I've been on here. It's mainly because I feel like almost like I would just be saying the same thing about my problems each and every time, but I just can't ignore how I feel right now.

    I have been sober for two and half years. I have a steady job and a couple of months ago, I was able to move out of the recovery house where I had been for the last two years and into my own place. I am very grateful for this. However, I still feel unhappy and unsure about life. I still hurt over old wounds and it's not like I have much in the way of a real social life. I struggle so hard to connect with others and I am afraid I will always be alone and worse, lonely.

    Sometimes, I don't always find what I'm looking for in AA or talking to a therapist and I remember how I used alcohol to numb the pain. I don't think I will act on the urge, but it was the one alternative as I could never fully go through taking my life.

    I'm sorry for rambling like this. I wish that I could just be okay with what I have, but I just still feel these voids in my life.
  2. Jade24

    Jade24 Member

    Happy to hear you are doing better. Just try to keep going, it may be difficult but it will be worth it. And if you need to vent or just talk there's the chat or you could messenge me.
  3. Dinosur

    Dinosur Member

    After the hurricane and horrible dreadful rain there is a beautiful rainbow.
    Greying likes this.
  4. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I don't really feel like I'm moving just feels like I'm just here and going through the motions. I always feel so out of place around others and I don't think I will ever get over the pain from my past. I'm sorry for not being appreciative of the encouragement you two have shown, but I just feel like crap right now.
  5. Jade24

    Jade24 Member

    Its okay, I understand. When my friends tryed to tell me things to make me feel better, it just felt like words. Words that couldn't cure depression. I just kept going for myself.
  6. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I mean sometimes words help if the person is understanding. It's when people belittle or dismiss the pain that Feel and then have this "now off you go!" attitude and smile as if they cured me of my pain that makes words be in vain. I did appreciate you reaching out though. I'm sorry for not being more grateful.
    Jade24 likes this.
  7. JustCan'tQuit

    JustCan'tQuit Well-Known Member

    Hi, @sadheart,

    I'm sorry you're feeling so rough.

    On the good side, it's great that you've been sober all this time, and it's great that you've got a steady job and are living in your own place. Those are huge accomplishments.

    But I can see why you're still unhappy. Only some of your needs have been met.

    You're right that you need emotional closeness, whether with friends or a partner or both. It's not surprising you feel you still have healing to do, and of course that gets in the way of connecting to people, too. But you mustn't give up--not after you've come so far.

    One way to connect with people is through a shared interest--something that doesn't require you to disclose too much about yourself, so you can get used to people gradually and figure out whom it might be safe to trust. Do you have any hobbies? If not, are there any interests you might like to pursue? Photography? A sport? Woodworking? Anything at all will do, as long as it gives you a safe way to encounter others. You won't feel completely at home right away, but eventually you'll get comfortable.

    I was once in a place where I felt totally cut off from other people--but by volunteering and finding interest groups, I gradually increased my comfort level to the point that I'm pretty comfortable now. Certainly, I feel able to join things and participate without any particular self-consciousness, whereas at the start, I was afraid to even show up. Things are much better now.

    Just know that it's okay to admit you're still unhappy, even with a roof over your head and a job and sobriety. Those things make a phenomenal foundation for you, but you need more to feel secure. Once you give yourself chances to establish more social connections, your quality of life will improve quite a bit.

    Two more things I should add:

    (1) Do realize it takes time. People don't become comfortable with one another overnight, so even if you join a group, it might take months for you feel that you belong there. But this is normal. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. You simply need time to get used to other people, and other people need time to get used to you. Just keep going.

    (2) In terms of intimate relationships and friendships, be aware of the signs of unhealthy connections. The more desperate we are for companionship, the more likely we are to accept connections that aren't healthy for us. So, be watchful. Share something relatively safe about yourself and see how the other person responds. If it's okay, share a bit more. If their response to that is okay, too, repeat. Find out what you can about the other person (without stalking, of course). If you see behaviours that looks like red flags, pay attention and back away from the relationship.

    What you're trying to do, remember, is build healthy connections. They're the key, along with what you have already, to a healthy life and a new future.

  8. PhoenixFailed

    PhoenixFailed SF Supporter

    Sometimes just holding steady is a monumental task. Even if you do not feel like you are not moving forward, not going backward is just as important. Just wanted to give you some credit for the hard work you are doing. Take care and I'm sending digital hugs.