sorry, ed ramblings

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Vitreledonellidae, Apr 23, 2009.

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  1. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    Im really sick of myself, sick of the lies, telling everyone i dont have an eating disorder anymore, giving people hope, I guess also giving myself hope. But its a lie, dont want to dissapoint anyone. I could say i god rid of it, but just for a few months tho. Its back to throwing up 2 times a day, when will it be 7 times a day again. I know what it does, how it fucks me up, Ive stopped before and actually felt good, why cant i stop now?? I dont want this, ofcourse i want to lose weight, but i dont want it this way, that i wont be able to anything thats not related to losing weight, i wanna go to fucking art school and not fuck it up because of this freaking eating disorder. Why am i so god damn weak?
  2. Daisy

    Daisy Active Member

    I understand what your saying. Some of it I could have written myself.
    I'm here listening and I'm around if you want to pm me.
  3. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i felt so much like you when i was at art school, my eating disorder was crippling me so badly and i wish it'd just go.

    i could have written that a few years back. i felt so trapped like you. :hug:

    you're not weak. you're doing this because of something, and when you find out the reasons why and start exploring them, maybe the eating disorder won't be as helpful (even though it is destructive) as it is to you at the moment.
  4. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    thanks for the comments, reallly appreciate it? Was wondering how youve dealed with it :unsure:
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    well, the last time i was there, i was really into my work (when i wasn't depressed) so the eating wasn't an issue. i ate and slept really well and so i worked really well too.

    i found the minute i was depressed though, all my eating problems would come back. that usually happened at xmas or any holiday. i'd get very depressed.

    i didn't finish the course as i had to withdraw because of other reasons.

    i had a counsellor at that time who helped a lot with preventing a sharp slide in my eating disorder and we explored what my ED meant for me and what it was i was trying to do with starving myself, because i was terrified of it crippling me as it did when i last went to art college 2 years back.

    i hope that helped somewhat. do you have a therapist?
  6. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    thanks for sharing :smile: Its comforting to hear. I guess I will be the same, its easier to go through the day when i have my studie to concentrate about. Sorry you couldnt finish it because of other reasons tho :hug:

    I had a therapist for almost 2 years, this was almost a year ago, but i moved to another town and it took lot of time to find help. Things went really good, but I always fall back into old habits when I dont know how to deal with things, but never like it is now. But finally after 8-9 months I can finally start in a depression group, thats all they could offer for me now. I hope it helps. I guess its better concentrating on the things I struggle with than concentrating on the ED.
    Im sorry, I feel so much better now and realise now I was really overreacting, Im sure it will be fine soon. Thank you a lot tho :hug:
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