Im really sick of myself, sick of the lies, telling everyone i dont have an eating disorder anymore, giving people hope, I guess also giving myself hope. But its a lie, dont want to dissapoint anyone. I could say i god rid of it, but just for a few months tho. Its back to throwing up 2 times a day, when will it be 7 times a day again. I know what it does, how it fucks me up, Ive stopped before and actually felt good, why cant i stop now?? I dont want this, ofcourse i want to lose weight, but i dont want it this way, that i wont be able to anything thats not related to losing weight, i wanna go to fucking art school and not fuck it up because of this freaking eating disorder. Why am i so god damn weak?