It's hard coming on this site nowadays...I never feel I get the right words out to express my hurt and sadness, and I never have anyhting helpful to say to anyone else. But I am really frustrated and tired of my life. I am still hurting over a rejection from five years ago and I am now convinced it will never stop hurting. I hate myself for not being good enough to worth her time and I wish I could stop hurting about it. More so, five years later, my life is becoming clear is nothing more than a mistake and will never be of any meaning. I am five months sober, but I want a drink so bad to numb the pain because everyday I get up is nothing more than a continuation of more hurt and pain. I know this is just a bunch of whining and rambling, but soon I think I have no real alternative but to muster up the strength and courage to "leave." There's more, but I find it too hard to explain in every detail how much I hurt and am sick of life. Sorry if none of this made enough sense.