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Sorry for living

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by LittleSparkles13, Oct 15, 2007.

  1. LittleSparkles13

    LittleSparkles13 Well-Known Member

    I know that i am stupid, i let everyone down, most of all my myself. My messeges saying i want to die are true and its because of my depression, i say those words. I am not attention seeking, i am just so lost and so lonely.
    I know that i deserve no friends, who'd want to be friends with someone who doesn't respect herself at all. All she wants to do is cry, and like that answers anything. I feel so alone, and i don't know what i can possibly do to change that.
    My depression is getting so bad, my tablets do not seem to be working at all.
    Maybe i should stop taking them.

    I was thinking when i was walking earlier, who would notice me if i suddenly got hit by a car, and i so wanted to cut this morning but i didn't even though i still want to.

    I wanted someone to love me, so i went with anyone i possibly could, i jsut feel so suicidal at the moment, and would do anything i could to end it.

    I went to Mind today, and someone called me into another room because they could tell i was upset but i couldn't open up, the same reason i can never open up, its because i am ashamed of who i am, what i am becoming. And that's not a good thing.

    I don't know what i am doing anymore. I shouldn't even be here, msot o you wish i didnt most or anything. so i apologize for posting this.

  2. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    AWW hun your not stupid hun, Am i'm your friend i'm here if you wanna talk hun :hug:
  3. LittleSparkles13

    LittleSparkles13 Well-Known Member

    I'm stupid, I know it's true.
  4. missdiana86

    missdiana86 Active Member

    then i'm also that stupid :blink: coz actually u sound like my own thoughts...so maybe i deserve to be ur friend:?
  5. LittleSparkles13

    LittleSparkles13 Well-Known Member

    I don't deserve to be anyone's friend. You're not stupid, i am.
  6. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    If you didn't cut that obviously proves something. You say your lonely, why not try going to groups or taken up a hobbie which will help you meet new people? Will help you intergrate into the community, make friends.

    You say you couldn't open up to the person who called you into another room in MIND. Fair enough, thats perfectly understandable. I personally think you should see a therapist. If your scared about opening up or feel you simply can't talk abotu whats bothering you then try writing it down? or there is an option for you to print out some of your post's made on SF and then giving them to a therapist.

    I strongly suggest you see a doctor and talk about being put on some kind of anti depressant if your not already and ask your doctor about being referred to a counsellor of some sort.
  7. LittleSparkles13

    LittleSparkles13 Well-Known Member

    I did counselling for about four months, didn't help one bit.

    I am on anti depressants but they aren't working.

    I am lonely, and i still want to cut. The urge to is getting much greater but the minute.
  8. Puddytat

    Puddytat Well-Known Member

    well i know that if you believe you are stupid then you will act like it, its all a matter of perception. why not instead of thinking yourselves 'stupid' try thinking 'misdirected' or 'silly' or some other word that sounds less degrading than 'stupid'. and for all other insults you throw at yourselves. try it out for a while and see if your attitude towards youself changes. i dont believe anyone is stupid and definately neither of you!

    if you want to change your life you need to make decisions, have focus, goals, flexible persistence and most of all patience.
    dont beat yourself up everytime you fail. there are no failures, as long as you learn something from it and try to do better next time.
  9. LittleSparkles13

    LittleSparkles13 Well-Known Member

    I've tried to change for the past 7 years i've tried to change but it never works, so i jsut give up.
  10. Puddytat

    Puddytat Well-Known Member

    but if its not working suely you should try something else? what does it help you keep hitting your head against a brick wall time after time.

    now hitting your head against a wall and then a tree and then the floor, now thats progress... that means you are trying to find solutions instead of problems. eventually you'll find your head against something soft and fluffy and things start going right. because you are changing your approach each time.

    never give up. your life can change so drastically so easily, but you have to want it so bad you can taste it. then you have to take action...
  11. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Go back to a different counsellor.

    Tell your doc the AD's aren't working.