You've seen most of it now. I've been bummed, fearful, manic, mean (so very sorry) and ready to jump - well mentally at least. I am trying so hard to even things out. Not sure there's any hope of that ever happening. I'm still breathing so there must be the tiniest sliver of hope somewhere. Perhaps tonight, without the pressure of performing I may sleep and if I dream maybe, just maybe it will be pleasant and make me smile. I apologize to you for surley, mean words - emotions.