Sorry for venting this way; vent or blow a fuse

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by RySp123, Oct 25, 2007.

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  1. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Funny how life and emotions can fool you. Been there for others all my life not waiting for a darn thing and still not asking or waiting for it yet when i am in despair need who's there? Emptyness! Always had to rely on myself and sure can't do it this way all my life. I cant say I am upset, sad or hangry or else. Just too much feelings mixed up that I cant seem to feel any of them anymore. Frustration maybe a little and deception. I'm over the planning phase as I have already prepared my stuff to be given away, written to each I cared about and well lets say that what is needed for the x day is at hand reach and even though I am clearly telling them the day is very near, saying it to the psy and else none is making a move so more I cant do. Like a good girl when the psi told me 'see you in two weeks' time' I just about hung up on him how stupid he is not to react or realize the seriousness of it all; that the dive is getting worse than an urge and told him clearly wow what's to say? Missing right now is one that will tell me to call them up when I start the process to tell them how it feels...... this specie is just too much for me to understand anymore! They say ' I love you' then how do they love if they cant show human compassion or care when one is at the end rope and hanging by a broking thread?

    I've got one letter left to write and this weekend is my last task. After this I am free and just about ready. Are they? No! Do they care? Not now but will and I am sorry it will need this for them to 'wake up' but I sure cant wait for them to wake up ..... twill take forever and cant last that long. I have fooled myself way to long hoping for it. People are as they are and nothng can change them if not by hitting some walls here and there in life. I try to consolate myself that this might prevent others from reaching this point and save another member sooner or later and not all will have been a loss for nothing. See? Even in this my thoughts are for them! Am I sicker than them then? An alien of some kind? Maybe born in the wrong century where 'i dont dive a darn way of behaving wasn't something so common? :mad: :mad: :mad:

    Sorry for venting this way but tonight I must do something, empty some of my bag, or will end up doing something of which there is no coming back. :sad:

    Better keep busy so I guess I will start my weekend task right now and see if it helps for a while till the urge passes away. Disregard this post, more of a self therapy emptying my overflow not to hit the fan.
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2007
  2. sadmommie2

    sadmommie2 New Member

    hi I am new here and reading your post "screamed at me that you don't want to die."

    call up a crisis center, call your psy, any person maybe this last person that you have to write to.

    SCREAM at them if you have to. It would be better to fell uncomfortable right now for just a bit and get the help you want.

    I am scared that you won't keep reaching out.
    They always say if one way is not working than try something else.
    If you don't do it for you, do it for one of those lettters.
    You can e-mail me
    I attempted once and thank god didn't suceed. I spent some time in a hospital. It was not the most pleasant place, but it helped me to be here right now.
    Please check in so I know you got this post.

    Ooh I know this is so hard. I am feeling a lot like you too. I have a list, methods, and hanging on by a thread. What is helping me is making my list very long, and tedious. Putting off something that might not hurt so much down the road.

    Take care and know that you are being heard.

  3. numberman

    numberman Well-Known Member

    I/we at this forum will certainly not disregard your post.That is what we are here for.

    You can say what you like on this forum, do not use the word sorry.

    Who are you railing against? Presumably your parents,siblings,friends.How long have you felt as you do? Bear in mind that people with no direct experience of depression do not either understand the depth of emotion felt by the person or do not know what to do for the best..

    Do exactly what sadmommie2 says and most importantly bear in mind her words "I attempted once and thank god I did not succeed" , it is a one-way ticket to a place unknown.To learn about the consequences of a failed attempt read the thread entitled "paying the price" by member Tilly.

    Throw away the letters ,throw away whatever it is that you have collected together for "the deed" and tell us what is troubling you
  4. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Oh boy. You do ask too much man! As for the 'paying the price' got the weekend to read so mind telling me where i find it exactly or how i can get to it? NOT that it will change anything having a first hand knowledge of what happends (and remains) when one fails in its attempt. Sorry wont draw you a picture but take my word, seen more than you will in a life time.

    Not in a mood to share right now. Need to rest for a while, pills kicking in.
    Will check later for the url or way to reach tilly's post. ty

    p.s. thanks Annie. You are wrong on the 'wanting to live', but right on the 'will stop reaching out'. I am through. Take care hun.
  5. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Found it on my own so no need to disturb yourself with the url man. True as outcome but as I said, have seen worse so before anything reaches me it will take hell of a hard work. A kid we took under our wings many many years ago shot himself in the head and was left with half of it and survived and since trying to 'live' a 'normal' life with what's left of his head-face. I wish the outcomes to anyone. Others are vegetables on life support. The luckiest made it right the first time.

    p.s. numberman : "Bear in mind that people with no direct experience of depression do not either understand the depth of emotion felt by the person or do not know what to do for the best.. "

    ARE you REAL????? Am I reading this right? I cant believe what you wrote here man! UNREAL! Dont think any of us comes here to educate peple??

    Had to redo this post many times not to say something wrong but if it was your attempt to reach anger in me sorry it sure failed.

    I'll keep my new found peace for the little time left and energy to accomplish whats left to be done (like get stamps). Today will see the sunrise and sunset that's what life has to offer that is still untained from man....
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2007
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