Funny how life and emotions can fool you. Been there for others all my life not waiting for a darn thing and still not asking or waiting for it yet when i am in despair need who's there? Emptyness! Always had to rely on myself and sure can't do it this way all my life. I cant say I am upset, sad or hangry or else. Just too much feelings mixed up that I cant seem to feel any of them anymore. Frustration maybe a little and deception. I'm over the planning phase as I have already prepared my stuff to be given away, written to each I cared about and well lets say that what is needed for the x day is at hand reach and even though I am clearly telling them the day is very near, saying it to the psy and else none is making a move so more I cant do. Like a good girl when the psi told me 'see you in two weeks' time' I just about hung up on him how stupid he is not to react or realize the seriousness of it all; that the dive is getting worse than an urge and told him clearly wow what's to say? Missing right now is one that will tell me to call them up when I start the process to tell them how it feels...... this specie is just too much for me to understand anymore! They say ' I love you' then how do they love if they cant show human compassion or care when one is at the end rope and hanging by a broking thread? I've got one letter left to write and this weekend is my last task. After this I am free and just about ready. Are they? No! Do they care? Not now but will and I am sorry it will need this for them to 'wake up' but I sure cant wait for them to wake up ..... twill take forever and cant last that long. I have fooled myself way to long hoping for it. People are as they are and nothng can change them if not by hitting some walls here and there in life. I try to consolate myself that this might prevent others from reaching this point and save another member sooner or later and not all will have been a loss for nothing. See? Even in this my thoughts are for them! Am I sicker than them then? An alien of some kind? Maybe born in the wrong century where 'i dont dive a darn way of behaving wasn't something so common? Sorry for venting this way but tonight I must do something, empty some of my bag, or will end up doing something of which there is no coming back. :sad: Better keep busy so I guess I will start my weekend task right now and see if it helps for a while till the urge passes away. Disregard this post, more of a self therapy emptying my overflow not to hit the fan.