I cannot feel the sun on my skin. I cannot enjoy the comfort of a friend, nor the love of my family. I am not worthy to recieve such things. I am a fool. I am nobody. I am nothing. I am the black stain in your perfect little world of delusional happiness. Do not help me. I will only drag you down with me. Where am I? I am trapped, confined to the darkness in my mind. I have no memories of joy or happiness. No stories of love and companionship. No tales of triumph to chase away the fear of failure. If ever these things existed for me i cannot remember them now. They are lost to me. My memory is shriveled and dry, crumbling into dust. I wait as the wind wisps away the fallen debris. They were never there to begin with. I am reaching for nothing, an illusion. The only memories i have are of failure. Each defeat, every mistake, and one pathetic cave in after another. They replay in my mind over and over and over. Until the ringing in my ears drowns out the world and im consumed with each painful truth. Until my palms are slick with sweat and my heart is pounding in my chest. Until i want to scream at the top of my lungs. Until physical pain is a welcome respite from the torment of my own thoughts. Send me your pain, it is what i deserve. I am a liar and a coward, hiding under one persona after another. I AM LAZY. I AM MANIPULATIVE. I am not half as smart as you think i am. I am not half as kind as you think i am. Its a lie. I AM A LIE. I am the son you wish you never had, the brother you despise and the friend you wish you killed. I am all that is bad in human nature. I want to erase myself from this world. I want to sneak into their homes and burn every picture of me. I am VILE. I am UGLY. I will save you from having to remember me. When i die i want to be thrown in the trash where i belong. Cremate me first if you must but dont you dare keep my body around for a wake or burial.
Send your demons, your dealers of death. Sink teeth into me and tear flesh from bone. Cast me into the abyss and watch as i cackle gleefully all the way to the bottom. You do not scare me. But i cant wait for you forever.
I will destroy myself. I HATE MYSELF. My hate is justifiable. I DESERVE to destroy myself. I am saving you the trouble.
I am sorry i wasn't more, I am sorry i wasn't less, I am sorry i ever existed.
*edit* apparently i can't even post in the right section of the forum. If staff sees this move it where it belongs please. Im sorry
Send your demons, your dealers of death. Sink teeth into me and tear flesh from bone. Cast me into the abyss and watch as i cackle gleefully all the way to the bottom. You do not scare me. But i cant wait for you forever.
I will destroy myself. I HATE MYSELF. My hate is justifiable. I DESERVE to destroy myself. I am saving you the trouble.
I am sorry i wasn't more, I am sorry i wasn't less, I am sorry i ever existed.
*edit* apparently i can't even post in the right section of the forum. If staff sees this move it where it belongs please. Im sorry
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