I'm so sorry to post again. I feel so embarrassed. I'm so tired of reaching out to be dismissed. It's so hurtful, it's so shameful. This was my own boyfriend. We don't live in the same city so it's hard and for days I've been reaching out to him. I just want him to make me feel better. I think I know deep down he isn't right for me but I don't have anyone else. Every bit of strength, I get from him. He's really let me down tonight. He used to say how hard it was to get close to me and I told him I don't like to be really close to people for this reason; they just let you down. What happened just a few minutes ago between us has really hurt. I was there, asking for help, but I got nothing back. He didn't want to know. I don't want to die, I really don't. I just don't want to feel this pain. If suicide takes away the pain (of everything, not just stupid relationship woes) then at least I know I've had a few years of trying to make everything work out.