Sorry, New here....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by FateClotho, Feb 2, 2008.

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  1. FateClotho

    FateClotho New Member

    I apologize if I've messed anything up by not knowing the thread rules. I'm kind of an old fart, and I have just, after 14 years, had my husband tell me he doesn't want me anymore. I am on AD (Lexapro) and I was on anti-anxiety but she won't prescribe them to me anymore without my *husband* saying I haven't been drinking. Which I haven't for over 3 weeks, now.

    I want to die, I can't live with this pain, my kids are out of the house, I just have my diabetic cat, who is my baby, and I made him promise me to take care of her. But my razors aren't even sharp enough. I can't deal with this. I haven't been drinking, but my anxiety is so high, I jump at the slightest noise. I'm scared to tell my APRN how suicidal I am. My soon to be ex-husband will have the boys, so why does it matter? They're not home right now, if I had a sharper razor, I wouldn't be typing. I downed a bunch of pills, <mod edit-gentlelady-methods>. Didn't do a damn thing but make me sleepy and pissed off.

    My boss is being really nice and helping me with my hours to work, but I didn't tell him how I was feeling inside. I love my boys, I gave birth to them, I breast fed them. I can't live anymore, though. My husband stole my best friend, he slept with her a week before he told me he wanted a divorce. I've lost so much weight, I've gone from a 22 to a small size 14 in the past few weeks. He doesn't care. He says I'm "smothering" him.

    I just want to die. I can't even do that right, all the razors are dull.

    I just made him promise he'd take care of our boys and that he'd take care of my diabetic cat, she's my baby girl. He promised. Then I hung up. Wish I had a gun.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 2, 2008
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hi fateclotho, i'm sorry to hear about this terrible time you are going through. please reach out to someone tonight. the threads here sometimes move slowly, but sounds like you are in crisis. if you can't talk to your psych, call the suicide line or samaratins, please? when you are this low it really is a matter of life and death.

    http://survive.org.uk/stories3.html#cantgoon
    has helped me through many long nights, perhaps you've seen it?

    i am glad you don't have the means on hand. there is so much yet you haven't done, and your kids *do* need you, no matter what is happening with your partner.

    thinking of you,
    catherine
     
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry to hear the direction your life is taking you right now. Please do not make any life altering decisions at this time. You mention your sons and the love that you have for them. Making sure your husband will take care of them is an admirable thing, but if you choose to leave them by suiciding, their lives will be forever changed. They will be hurting as it is. Remember that children of parents that suicide have a much higher risk of suicide themselves. They will blame themselves for your choice no matter how much they are reassured. They will be affected for the rest of their lives should they choose to live it. I know it seems impossible at this time, but your life can continue on from here and you can move forward. Do not be afraid to seek out help and support. You do not have to suffer alone. You will find people here who have been through similar situations. talk with them and see how they have managed to survive. Support each other. Please stay safe and take care. :hug:
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Why let your husband win??? HE slept with your 'best friend'... nice friend...not stolen but gave herself away...you sound like a smart and engaging woman...why waste all of this over ppl like them??? you deserve more and when you get over the shock of loosing someone who seems not worth your time, and especially your life, try to make this an opportunity...yes, traumatic things like this can be the gateway to a much better life...evaluate your participation in the demise of your relationship, work on fixing what you want, AND MOVE ON...lick your wounds (from the sadness you deserve to feel) and get your mojo back...without steriods...hoping this will give you another perspective on these issues...you are valuable and deserve goodness...you have a history?? who doesn't??? wishing you all the best, big hugs, J
     
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