Sorry ok?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by black orchid, Jan 19, 2011.

  1. black orchid

    black orchid Well-Known Member

    Sorry i fucked your lives up so much, i wasn't even worth caring for at 3 so why should i expect now to be any different.

    Can't even write the shit going through my head right now, hell i can't even talk about it when i am in a relatively 'normal' state of mind. I've wrecked everything around me, destroyed any chance i ever had of being part of 'the family' and i still don't understand what i did :S

    Paranoia is going to be the death of me, i swear.

    One day i'll learn not to read and look at things that are gonna fuck my head up. Maybe i might learn not to read things i shouldn't be as well as that never ends well just adds ten tonne more thoughts to my head, and you never know i might actually be of some use to someone one day, i might be able to help, people might talk to me again like they used to, but not while i'm like this. I can't even help the one person i want to, probably for the best though or i'd only end up destroying them like i do everyone else.

    I just want to get better, i want to be in control again, i want to be numb again and not have to relive all this shit everytime i try and sleep. Seeing and living through it once was bad enough, i don't need reminders. Is it that much to ask to just feel safe for a few days, to not second guess everybody? I don't want to lose the one reason i have for being around but realisticly i know that its only a matter of time, i can't be what is required for it to remain
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You can get stabilty again with meds and therapy it will take time but you can get your life back okay keep moving forward
     
  3. black orchid

    black orchid Well-Known Member

    I am trying to move forward but my 'family' seem determined to ruin every plan i make at the minute.
    I have been in and out of counselling for a long time and am supposed to see someone every week at the minute as part of my psych plan thing, but the last counsellor decided i was too much for him to deal with and they are supposed to have reallocated me months ago but they still havent done it. Not that it helped as much as it could have done as i don't talk about a lot of things that have happened.
     
  4. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    You already know my feelings on your family seeing as they seem to love me sooooo much. I wouldnt even let them become a thought in your head, your worth more than that.

    Your never gonna lose me so you might as well get that thought out of your head. I know your paranoid same as i am but youve got no reason to be. The things im going through at the moment is nothing you could help me with at the moment anyway, unless you can do my course for me :D

    Hopefully next week will go as planned and then you wont have to worry about them so much and if it doesnt, we will find an alternative instead.