Sorry to everyone!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SnowFallenAngel, Jul 23, 2011.

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  1. SnowFallenAngel

    SnowFallenAngel Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to everyone who has had to put up with me for over 50 years or less! I am sorry that I ever made friends with anyone, and put myself on you. I am sorry that I was ever born but I didn't get a choice! My last 'friend' has now got fed up with me, it only leaves my cat to go and then I can go too.

    Some people are not meant to be here! Nothing every changes, well it does, it gets worse. Why don't people see that you have the same luck all your life, there is no hope for me. I want out ffs!!
     
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    People became your friends because they liked you. You do not need to apologise.

    Please do not think like that. Your life can change, improve, gain more friends.
    Why did they get fed up?
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I have no words of wisdom right now, other than to say, there is good reason ppl care about you and I wish for you (as I do for myself), I would see them sometimes...J
     
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I'm sorry your so down.. Are there any support groups in your area??It sounds like you need human contact..Do you see a therapist?? Do you have any kind of support set up.. Like maybe family..You have us so don't be afraid to open up and talk to us.. We are here for you!!!
     
  5. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Don't ever apologise for feeling this way!

    If I killed myself - I'd expect the world to apologise! To me! After all - I've done nothing wrong - I'm nice to children, animals and I bear no man or woman no harm. I make the world a better place - and so do you!

    But, in a contradiction of my own beliefs - I sometimes wish I could hijack a nuclear convoy - and do the world a favour. Live in peace - or I'll bring that glow back to your life. I like to let my 'dark side' out on a leash sometimes - and hey - don't worry, those nuclear convoys are just too hard to get at! Damn - it could have been so beneficial for the world to have a guy like me with a finger on the doomsday button.

    It would make a good book perhaps.

    As for being born - if you were not meant to be born you would not have been born. Its like this forum - we accidentally stumble upon this one out of millions of others - the owner Alison went through feeling suicidal I guess and just happened to be able to run a fairly sophisticated website/forum. I think that was her path in life - part of it at least. She is like a catalyst for me. A person who makes an event happen.

    And here we are also - part of something she created.

    I've had a LOT of bad luck also - fell in love with a lesbian, picked fights with people or organisations who would always kick my ass. Some guys beat up and bully women - or worse, children or people not able to defend themselves. You have to be so very very careful that being the way we are - we do not end up like that. Its easy to play games with people when your already playing them inside your own head!

    My band has kind of grown up - or is more messed up than me. Can you imagine that? I mean - its mostly drugs. I'm lucky there - that's not my issue.I suspect LSD would make me feel normal these days.

    And I'm my late forties - and we do look at our lives more from the age of 30 upwards. In fact having a mind which is so critical as ours can be a big burden when we have nothing else to think about.

    Many of us live alone also - we have to be self reliant in that regard and I'm guessing you have done a good there. I hope at least, you've managed to keep your home decent and have a little neat and tidy sanctuary.

    If you are in the UK - on benefits and struggling with furniture or need a new bed/sofa and fridge/cooker - PM me or maybe I will start a thread about how to get benefits - and a nice grant for yourself. Some people are not claiming what they are entitled to!

    Take it - its yours!

    Try something new also - I mean, I was an atheist stuck in my ways so bought a Bible and went back to church. I loved chocolate - but had headaches - seriously fu**** up migraines. so gave up the 'habit'. Now I'm free of these headaches - plus my dentist is happy - although he keeps saying 'stop smoking cigarettes'. I tell him, "how do know its cigarettes?" - he smiles - I think the dude is a stoner.

    I think that its important to learn new things, educate yourself and maybe think of going back to education? I saw plenty of woman your age on some courses I was on. You see people coming up - very shy and cautious. A lot of women are divorced or been through real nasty relationships. The lack of confidence soon goes - and its amazing how learning a few basic certificates can make you more confident.

    In the UK you can do a degree online these days! The Open University is ideal - but you can socialise with people through various courses. I know people who just do that - it is their life! Collecting qualifications and hanging out for some intellectual conversation. Maybe your drowning in a sea of the banal right now - talking to people about the weather like we do!

    Of course relationships matter also. Its nice to know people. Sometimes I guess many of us are kind of hesitant when it comes to falling in love - or being in love! You got to be very careful there. But at the same hand - many many people have been through what we have been though.

    For me - this place is like a convention of counsellors. I'm spoilt for choice - I can pretty much be myself here. I can share a little of the darkness - ask for advice - see how others manage to prosper. Staying alive is a win!

    I don't care how messed up some people here might be. I think a few suspect me as not being messed up - some kind of fake! But trust me - I can match anyone here and find parts of my life just like yours. In 'real life' I cannot afford to let my mask slip.

    Some here have managed to find someone who loves them despite 'the dark side'. Many can open up with ease - but me, I find it hard to admit that I wish I was dead sometimes on a suicide forum!

    For now I have time (no real work) so I like to help out here by throwing more than just a few lines out.

    Inevitably, some will not 'listen' to me. One fantastic member - I mean, someone who really does have a life ahead. She knows she will not listen to advice! It reminds me of myself - in fact in some ways maybe I have so many issues that its like I see something in everyone here!

    Anyhow - my advice to you is to think about some of what I have said. Education courses - could be something there. Not sure of your benefits - but getting the right ones might mean a big difference. Money, I hate it really - but I need enough to be able to do more than just survive.

    People here have skills which might earn money on top of benefits. Its illegal to do this - but in my poor town I actually understand what its like to be poor. I forgive people - in fact I'd shoplift if I was so poor that I could barely eat healthy enough.

    But do not go out shoplifting! Forget I said that. I sometimes say very stupid things.

    Anyhow - hope it helps in some ways.

    Good luck, God Bless and try not to let yourself get too caught up in negative thinking. Explore some positives, take your mind off thinking and chill out with some TV now and again and movies. Download some entire series of something cool like Dexter the serial killer. I know you would love it - every women will love Dexter because the guy is just so cool. Watch cartoons! Read books. Write things. Try to take some time out in life to just watch the flowers grow sometimes.

    And aged 50 - I know so many woman who bloomed at that age - discovered their confidence and inevitably attracted a good man. So try not to worry so much there. You got plenty of woman like you here who can advise there. Me? I don't really know what to say there. But if you need advice on whether a man is good or bad or indifferent - I am an expert. It takes me 10 minutes and a series of questions to determine if any man would be good enough to marry my sisters!

    I think I would make a good private detective. Being used to hiding my own darkness - its easy to spot things. And avoid anyone who might see through my little charade! I mean, the charade of hiding what you feel. This is what you do - right?

    Anyhow, having discovered my flaw - I've reached out and made some good friends here.

    You should stick around here - and do this also. We will never judge you and if we 'fall out' then its easy to make up again. In real life we tend to fall out when people might see through our mask - but here, we don't care about that - its actually what brings us together!

    So stick around - you've only got 50 posts - and will feel so much better when you open up a little more and we get to know you.

    Thanks.
     
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