Sorry to post.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by lost_child, Jul 29, 2007.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I've tried other palces for support and understanding and no1 seems to understand how it feels to feel suicidal ppl just say stop being stupid pull urself together, the feeling will go, give it time, there's always tomororw., well everyday the feelins aren't going, I've saved tablets but the feelings just won't go away, my counsellor asked me to write a letter tht would be read at my funeral (it had to be from my "guardian angel") all weekend I've been trying to do it and it just shows the failure that I am, how useless I am. I can't go on feeling like this, 18 months with suicide attempts and failing. feeling like the end is near, feeling like this is it. I've had enough. does anyone understand the feelins of depression, feeling of self hate, self loath, thinking of death everything second of the day, not being able to explain or being taken seriously.

    I couldn't reach out, I couldn't explain
    why I was feeling depressed and insane
    the thoughts that were set inside my mind
    I couldn't share, nor leave behind.

    I held onto the last bit of hope
    praying someone would throw me a rope
    I couldn't reach out nor find that friend
    somehow I had to find an end

    The phone calls I made late at night,
    were my cry for help from troubles and fright
    yet still I couldn't explain, couldn't reach out
    so alone I lived with my own fears and doubt.

    Thinking about life and how I would end my fears
    I started looking back through all the years
    trying to remember a time I felt loved
    but instead finding & feeling so unloved

    I couldn't explain, I couldn't reach out
    I couldn't even scream and shout.
    If I could have found that voice
    maybe now I would have a choice.

    I wished the pain would go away
    why was it there and why did it stay
    The silence I knew had to be broken
    but I couldn't do it, I was to heartbroken.

    Then when I told Mum I was going to die
    She wanted to form some tears in her eye
    if she had loved me or even showed she cared
    maybe then I could have been repaired.

    She never loved me, She never cared
    She left me alone frightened and scared
    She watched, llistened and she knew
    and yet to her abuse was taboo.

    so now the demons that held me for so long in their grasp
    the good old Lord decided to take me at last.
    so now you can think about me in your head
    Because when you read this I will be dead
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Your writing is wonderful. It is definitely something i can relate too. I hope you feel able to share with us here, hun. Please feel free to post or PM someone if you want to talk to someone. :hug:
  3. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    I to can relate to what you are saying how wonderful it would be if we could all pull ourselves together sadly depression is more difficult thsan that and it can be a constant battle but you have found SF now let people here help and support you but more importantly understand what it is you are going through
    TC hun:hug::hug::hug:
  4. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    thank you for ur replies..sorry no other words feeling very lost and alone tonight. sorry
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You do not have to be sorry for feeling unable to find the words or post. When you are able, we are here. Take care lost_child. :hug:
  6. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    likewise sometimes the pain is to great to talk or begin to try to express how we feel, take your time and we will be around when u feel u can post:smile:
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