I'm sorry to waste the forum's time with a post that'll probably get ignored in any case, but here goes anyway. On the same day as what was supposed my first dead mates 20th birthday, is the one year anniversary of my "other" dead mate who passed away this time last year. I'm sorry to them both. I know they'd want me to keep lulzing, but with all the shit that keeps happening, I'm bogged down. I should never have returned to this fuckin country. I thought it was a bright future I had returning here, but instead I just picked up exactly where I left off - all the shit I moved to get away from is still there, and I'm back to square one at everything regarding pretty much every aspect of life. So fucking depressed I'm burning. I really feel like I'm burning inside. I was flying high on ignoring all my problems but talking to my ex tonight has brought me right fucking back down to the pits of despair from two years ago where the second of the attempts happened. Why I did this, I seriously do not know. It gets to me that she's moved on at such a ridiculously quick pace while I went into damage control for three months after the split and, quite clearly, 9 months later, I'M STILL picking up the shattered pieces of my soul. I only want to love and be loved, and it's that fucking difficult. Nobody's out for anything other than a quick buck and/or a quick fuck and here I am, heart broken and crushed time and again. Listening to miserable music, the only shit that understands me, and I'm so fucking tempted to just try the last of the methods that I have planned. This entire fuckin planet is going to shit anyway from greed, exploitation and sexualisation. I'm not enjoying myself, I may as well remove myself from it. Absolutely alone in my pain. Sorry again for the waste of thread.