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Sorry to waste the forum's time

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DepressionII, Dec 7, 2008.

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  1. DepressionII

    DepressionII Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to waste the forum's time with a post that'll probably get ignored in any case, but here goes anyway.

    On the same day as what was supposed my first dead mates 20th birthday, is the one year anniversary of my "other" dead mate who passed away this time last year.

    I'm sorry to them both. I know they'd want me to keep lulzing, but with all the shit that keeps happening, I'm bogged down. I should never have returned to this fuckin country. I thought it was a bright future I had returning here, but instead I just picked up exactly where I left off - all the shit I moved to get away from is still there, and I'm back to square one at everything regarding pretty much every aspect of life.

    So fucking depressed I'm burning. I really feel like I'm burning inside. I was flying high on ignoring all my problems but talking to my ex tonight has brought me right fucking back down to the pits of despair from two years ago where the second of the attempts happened. Why I did this, I seriously do not know. It gets to me that she's moved on at such a ridiculously quick pace while I went into damage control for three months after the split and, quite clearly, 9 months later, I'M STILL picking up the shattered pieces of my soul.

    I only want to love and be loved, and it's that fucking difficult. Nobody's out for anything other than a quick buck and/or a quick fuck and here I am, heart broken and crushed time and again.

    Listening to miserable music, the only shit that understands me, and I'm so fucking tempted to just try the last of the methods that I have planned.

    This entire fuckin planet is going to shit anyway from greed, exploitation and sexualisation. I'm not enjoying myself, I may as well remove myself from it.
    Absolutely alone in my pain.

    Sorry again for the waste of thread.
  2. DepressionII

    DepressionII Well-Known Member

    HAH.... Page load error 402 came up when I tried to post originally!!! If that ain't a sign of nobody caring, I don't know what is!!
  3. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    Hi :smile:
    let me start by this:
    I used(maybe still do it sometimes) read signs like that on everything that would go wrong when I was in such need of help....
    Further, I don't thing you're wasting any forums time, it sounded to me like a clear state of pain, and thats'what this place is for, to give people the space and chance to cry out for help.
    I too lost my best friend yesterday precisely a year ago, and yeah, it hurts like hell.
    I don't quite know about your decision to return to the place you are now, but something must have lead you to that decision....i hope you can focus on that and try to make the best of it.
    i too am most disappointed and sceptycal about the world nowadays, but there just reasons for me to hang in here for a while.
    Maybe you need to talk to some psychologist or something, there are different methods to help you deal with the pain and get you at some moment back on track, I mean, eonjoying life, stronger, etc.
    I hope you get to feel better soon, but please never think people will ignore or don't give a damn around here, I know a lot of people are really in to help you and really relate and care.
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Hello DepressionII.

    I'm sorry to hear about your circumstances. You know, we all recover and heal at different rates and therefore it takes each of us different amounts of time to get over something, so don't be hard on yourself ok.

    As for the world, well sometimes all we can see is the bad side of it but there is the brighter and better side also.

    By the way, your never wasting the forums time.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi depression,

    You haven't wasted the forums time. That's what this forum is here for-people that need help :)

    I'm so sorry to hear about both your losses :hug:It must be really hard for you.
    If your ex makes you feel this way, maybe you should cut off all communication with him?

    You have to love yourself in order for others to love you. Are you on any medication for your depression? :hug:

  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you have to go through 2 anniversaries at the same time. Your pst is not a waste of time, but a cry for help. Nothing we can say will ease the pain, but we can offer you understanding and the knowledge that someone does care. :hug:
  7. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    No way are you wasting anyones time. We are all here in the same boat and any cry for help is important. Sorry to hear about your friends and realize this must be a real hard time for you. We are all here to help and support each other. Especially when things get so tough. Best wishes.S.
  8. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    no way are you wasting time by posting. i care but i am in a bad place and cannot communicate well. i do relate to what you say. use the forum, people here do understand

    sam xx
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Depression II,
    Welcome to the froum!! You have every right to post here on the forum. It is for everyone!! Thats why it is a prolife forum, because people now adays are falling prey to depression. There are thousands that are in denile that they have it. And there are alot of us who know exactly what the matter is with us.
    We are here for you! You can feel free to open up with us because we don't know who you are. I haven't had any friends like twenty years. But when I joined the forum I have made all kinds of friends and have opened up to them. I still don't talk to anyone on the outside world other than my shrink and my therapist.
    I hope you find the comfort here that I have!! Take care of yourself!!~Joseph~
  10. DepressionII

    DepressionII Well-Known Member

    I guess maybe this was a one off.... all the shits still there but I realise I have wonderful friends if nothing else that care about me and I'm a bit better.

    You all have helped me realise that, this is one person you've all make feel better and I felt I should let you know, thank you all so much!!!!!!!! :) :)
  11. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    It's good news that your in better spirits now.

    Take care.
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