Sorry

[BornFree]

Snapped.... Something snapped & I cant fix it... I dont speak to anyone cause I dont honestly know what to say... I used to be a person with a life & with friends... Now I have severed all ties people avoid me as my reputation precedes me..mainly just want to leave this so my family will know some of what happened...
Tears streaming there is a sense of peace knowing... Resolved..

I cant fix the pain... The awful legacy I have bestowed on my children... How could I have believed hoped gambled that they wouldnt have the disease... Honestly 50/50 chance & I stupidly hoped... I deserve to die... They deserve better maybe all this pain is just what I deserve... No point talking... Bothering anyone better to keep ties severted lessen the blow oh god sorry I cant explain... Except that I care. . I care too much & love too much... To carry on being a burden... I am sorry so very sorry for everything... Please know Mum loves you & I am so sorry for giving you this disease..
You are beautiful & I am so so proud of you...

 

[Theodora]

Ditsy please stay with us and with your children. Your children deserve all the loving you give them now for as long as you can. Special hugs.

 

[skinnylove911]

Please stay with us, think of your children
call your crisis line/gp out of hours line or emergency services if you feel that desperate.

 

[WildCherry]

I don't know exactly what happened, or what disease you're talking about. But I know your children need you... they need your love and your compassion. Please don't isolate yourself... let the people who care about you, be here for you. :hug:

 

[BornFree]

Thank you... all of you :grouphug: I don't know what to say... there are no words my mind is blank. I am sorry I don't know if there is any sense contacting anyone when they can't change any thing & they ask me how I want them to help me & I don't know... I can't answer their questions... a PDoc said to me a couple of years ago that no amount of councilling will change my problems...

 

[skinnylove911]

Then it's up to how you wish to proceed, but please do not consider sui as way out of your problems, you are so much more worth than this. Please sty strong and believe you will get better. Hugs

 

[Theodora]

I think you are looking at what the Pdoc said in a negative way. I know what my disease is and what [at least some of] my problems are. Some of the things that are a problem cannot be changed, but the way I deal with them and the support I get can be. For instance the fact that I am alone without family will not change. I hope with help to put other things in place to fill the gap a little.
Please talk to someone irl now. Samaritans or someone who's offered / given help in past.

 

[skinnylove911]

well if your pdoc said it i negative way then shes wrong and you need to complain or tell someone or get your main dr to suggest and refer you to another pdoc

 

[hoophula]

Hey Firstly, you certainly are not what your name suggests, 'Ditsy" You are you and there is only one of you. I want to die too, but am too afraid to do it right now.....I have children too am so full of pain and anger that I just want to put it to rest. I need to be here for some reasons I already know, the kids, but for me to stay would mean them seeing mommy like this they have no idea what I am going though. My partner does but for some reason he was able to get himself out of it....I can't and I know I will have to leave soon or else....This is too much, let it go not feeling and not talking doesn't get you anywhere but it sure feels better than yelling at your loved ones. Lets talk some more if you want< I can be here for that reason...you are not Alone, ok? Keep alive......please. for at least me , a perfect stranger....thank you

 

[skinnylove911]

Just remeber you are not alone hun we will always be there for you

 

[Sadeyes]

When I was first diagnosed with the disease I have, the wisest thing was told to me by a very caring aide...she treated me very well (I have tried to find her to thank her but she does not work at that hospital anymore) and put up with my seemingly unending crying...she said, don't believe anything you hear...they talk about people they read in books or others they see, and you may be different...the pdoc who said that should be ashamed of him/her self and get going and prove him/her wrong...what you may have done to your children in the future cannot compare to the wealth you have given them...it is hard for me to hold on to during the difficult times, but I am going to say it to you...even though we feel so much less than, that is our inner experiences and rarely shared with those who care...and that goes for me Ditzy girl...I missed you and was concerned that you were not here...having you here makes this place so much better for me...fondly, your sister wheeling some similar things!