I'm sorry for everything. For being me, the person I am. For being this stupid person, mean and idiotic. I'm sorry for not being more caring, for being selfish. I'm sorry that I haven't been truthful to those who may have been able to help professionally. I'm sorry but I have stockpiled meds again. This very moment things are crashing or I am crashing I suppose. What is the point of this constant struggle, this up and down and foolishness? I wish for some relief but I am afraid there is only one way to achieve that.