I felt the need to post no one need to pay attention. My rants don't matter I just need to talk. The thoughts are bombarding my head like waves crashing on the beach. It's been 7 months but I'm about to fall back down. The stress is just building . My personal life has become harder to handle as the days go by. Like nearing a deadline the pressure rises. I just wish for a release. I'm frustrated and feel like I'm going to breakdown. I hold back tears almost daily now and my 'tool' sits nicely on my nightstand staring at me. I'm proud I've held so long but I don't know how long I can keep it up. I feel like I shouldn't feel like this, I'm 22 I should grow up and deal, how long do I have to struggle with cutting. I always think maybe just a small one. Time and time again I think that. I can imagine it now. Relief. I don't know.. Fuck! That's just what I feel. Thanks whoever listens or not , just feelings.