i'm sorry that i'm not a very helpful member of this site. i've only posted about my problems twice and never have i tried to help someone. and if that causes people to want to alienate me from here, i understand completely. i just...i want/need to talk with someone. and this is by far the only place where i can be totally honest. if someone feels like talking with me. PM or reply to this. i don't even know if this is the right board for this post... again, sorry for being a pain in the ass.