sorry

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by hope23, Nov 20, 2007.

  1. hope23

    hope23 Active Member

    sorry I'm such a mess, sorry I can't appreciate the good things in my life, sorry I've hurt my family, sorry for lying and saying I'm fine when I'm not, I'm not. Sorry for not getting better, sorry for not trying harder, sorry for letting everyone down, sorry for blaming people, sorry for blaming circumstances, sorry for not being a better person, sorry for wallowing in my own misery, sorry for trying to do it by myself and pushing people away when they try to help, sorry for thinking people close to me don't try hard enough to help. Sorry if me being alive has just made your life more difficult, sorry for hating you sometimes, sorry for being me. Sorry for staying around when you'd be better off without me. Sh*t. I'm sorry OK? I'm sorry
     
  2. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    I know, it's hard. I really do understand your post. How are you feeling now? :hug:
     
  3. hope23

    hope23 Active Member

    Thanks for the reply - I'm a bit better now. Had appointment with counsellor this afternoon which wasn't exactly easy but helped a little. Still feel like just giving up to be honest but won't let myself.
     
  4. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Glad you're feeling a bit better and the appointment went well. You may feel like giving up but maybe this counselling is starting to help you, hopefully it is. :) :hug:
     
  5. glad the appointment went well hun :hug:
     
  6. hope23

    hope23 Active Member

    Thanks guys.:smile:
     
  7. hope23

    hope23 Active Member

    I'm in a bit of a mess right now. Not managing to drag myself into college, spoke to the student welfare officer today - all I got was lots of 'god help you's and 'I don't know what to do with you's. Very helpful, not. I suppose I can't blame her - I wasn't exactly very talkative so she didn't have much to go on. I don't talk much at the best of times but when I'm feeling really down I tend to clam up completely, no matter how hard I try words just won't come, I end up staring into the distance and barely even answering questions. When I think about, it's hardly surprising the poor woman didn't have a clue what to do.

    Anyway, I'm supposed to be heading in tomorrow to talk to her again and explain the situation to the head of the department. Don't know if I'm going to be able to do that though, I'm calm enough at the moment but it could be a completely different story in the morning. I manage to distance myself from how I feel sometimes, I'd be crying non stop otherwise. It's a bit of a strange sensation though - like I'm not even me any more and I basically don't give a damn.

    I've promised a few people I won't hurt myself. I'm not really sure I meant it though