Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Resolutionary, Jan 28, 2008.

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  1. Resolutionary

    Resolutionary Member

    Ok sorry for being a bit...uhh, straight-forward, blunt, harsh in my responses to people's suicidality...

    i feel bad.

    It's this stretch of 3 months (Christmas, his birthday - Jan, and Feb 10th - his death) that have been HELL because of my brother's suicide 3 years ago.

    i keep hoping i will wake up from this nightmare...

    if anyone has a reason to die it's the people whose lives have been trashed by a family member's self-murder.

    and these feelings of grief make me want to beat someone down. i want to kill. not myself. just other people who have no clue what it means for a family when one of them commits SUICIDE.

    i KNOW that meaning and it makes me INSANE.

    DON'T you SEE what suicide does to the family left BEHIND?!?

    sorry for being a bit harsh. i just wish someone could "get it".
  2. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Sorry, I know i have just posted this as a reply to something else but I also think that this belongs here. I am sorry for your loss I really am. But sometimes it feels as though there is no other way out what so ever.

    I know when I have been in my deepest despair other people don't come in to it. This is probably how she felt. Everyone is on this site for a reason, a common reason in which we all share. Yes, I can understand now as I dont feel as bad as I have done at other times how people would be hurt if I went but when I took the pills when I wanted to end it all I could consider was myself and the pain I was feeling. People say suicide is selfish, I will stand up to that and say yes I agree. I have tried it. I still think about it. I will prob try and maybe succeed, who knows, but what I do know when the time comes I know that I wont be thinking about other people. It is hard enough to think about me and what I am doing. For me when i feel like I want to end it no one else comes in to it and if you have seen the film Gothika at the beginning with the mirror in the office that is how I view the world and it is bloody scary. So please don't start slagging other people off on here. Try and see that losing a child has to be the worst thing that can ever happen to a person. It is the most un-natural thing in the world. But at the same time don;t go slagging off peoople who have responded as it could be the thing that pushes them over the edge.
  3. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    :hug: i'm sorry for you lost hun
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I 'm so sorry for the loss of your brother. But you are going about helping others by your experience in the wrong way. So many of us here are looking for help and guidance not hurtful words and feeling like we are being judged. Please use the pain of your loss to gently help others learn by what you have lived through. Hope that over time your pain is lessened and that you can go forward without hurting.
  5. Resolutionary

    Resolutionary Member

    you just....don't ....get it.

    are the suicide survivors not allowed to speak on this forum???

    step outside yourself, for just one moment.

    movies romanticize suicide. this is reality.

    You get to live day-in and day-out in this dream-world of how great it would be for you if you died...ahh yes, beautiful oblivion, constantly plotting out how you will carry out your delicious exit. just wake up!!!

    i'd trade you nightmares in a second.

    i want people to's a different approach from the constant "awww, don't kill yourself...awww" ...

    get over yourself!!! stop focusing on your own horrendous pain.

    can't you have a fragment of understanding for the survivors??? if you decide to fulfill your life-long dream of escape, we get to pay for it - with our minds, hearts, bodies, and souls, forEVER. i KNOW you don't want to hear all this, but try to read along...

    if people choose to die, it is their choice entirely, not ours.

    my sense is that we need to give suicidal people on here more credit for their strengths and resiliency - as they clearly have gone quite a while, through various stuggles, and possibly abuse, and NOT ended their lives. we need to stop treating people like sensitive withered little flowers because this is not the case. i think they can handle a little slice of REALITY from people who HAVE experienced a REAL SUICIDE in their family.

    why do WE get shunned for expressing our deep grief and darkness, but you suicide-criers get to say whatever the frick you want!?
  6. Resolutionary

    Resolutionary Member

    again....are suicide survivors NOT allowed to express pain too?

    is everybody on here really that sensitive? i think not, otherwise they would not still be living. just because they heard someone else's anger, and sadness and disgust with suicide, why is that so wrong and unacceptable?

    have you read the rants by people who talk about wanting to die?

    how will they ever get truly "helped" if they do not have someone telling them the other side of the story - what happens to the people left behind after a suicide??

    am i not allowed to express my pain and all its true ugliness on this forum? i would think better to express it now than after you are all dead! this is your only chance to hear the pain from those left behind by suicide.

    it's not pretty is it?

    but you obviously don't want me to say these things. you want ignorance. and to keep plotting out your exit into beautiful oblivion, right? you want to escape the nightmare? so do i. but if my feelings are too difficult to stomach, i'll leave this forum. no hope for the survivors. bye.
  7. Dreamer uk

    Dreamer uk Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about your loss.

    This forum is a support to people who are feeling like they can't carry on.

    1 million people a year die from suicide, it just goes to show how many people are left suffering without the proper help they need to continue.

    I once read that 'suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem' ...

    I think my internet friends would be more upset than my brother if I was to pass away but I know my Mom and my Nan would be devastated, and that is probably the no.1 thing in the world which stops me.

    I'm trying to survive, and I want to help other people to choose to live as well.

    The people on here have some help, from each other and from the medical community. Some people have nobody, some people have no help and don't turn to anyone to speak to.

    I'm very sorry to hear about your brother, it must be a terrible loss for you with so many questions left unanswered.

    If you understood suicidal feelings better you wouldn't go throwing around phrases like 'suicide criers'. You have a very valuable viewpoint to offer the community reading here, but you are going about it the wrong way.

    Medically, if somebody choses to die, they are suffering from mental illness.

    Best wishes

    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 28, 2008
  8. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    for a start i wasnt saying that. i was trying to put across what it feels like. I do appreciate what you are saying. i wish i was able to show you empathy but i have never had anyone close to me go through that. so instr=ead i offer sympathy. If you look at what we feel as an illness. We are not withered flowers or whatever your antagonsing statement was. I dont want tp put my famil through grief. But sometimes when you are so in to our depression you cant find a way out and you feel like death is the best way forward. Depression is a mental illness that people deal with in differnt ways. When a person is depressed they can some times have misconceptions about everything. I have been there, I am still there. From a persons perspective who is depressed for no reason at all and feels so dam low all the time. I am srry if I have come across as agressive. Yes thos is a pro life forum but you have to realise a lot of peopl in this forum have tried ending it all. They and my self dont need the anger from someone. We all know how people may feel after. People come on this forum for suport not t0o feel like fricking pieces of shit!
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Resolutionary. I understand the pain that you are going through after losing your loving brother to suicide, but please don't be so harsh to people who are depressed and maybe contemplating suicide. I know that the people who suffer most after a suicide are the loved ones. We're the ones who are left behind to pick up the pieces and move on. Though the sad reality is that a suicide can indirectly cause other suicides. Maybe try to find a supportive way to let people know how much pain a suicide causes on the person's loved ones?
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am sorry for your loss :hug:
  11. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    We're not asking you to leave the forum Resolutionary. We just would like you to express yourself in a positive manner. Just don't attack people who are suicidal, because that will make them feel worse.
  12. icerain

    icerain Well-Known Member

    hi, i may not 'get it', and i do not have family that will be really affected, but did you ever think that maybe there is another side to this? that maybe it is you who does not 'get it'. you were not inside your brothers' head before it happened. i too used to think like you, that it is a very selfish, self absorbed thing to do. but that is not true at all for alot. that is what you 'dont get'.
  13. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Just to clear up any confusing about this, there was 3 thread all made with the exact same post. Which there was no need for so all three thread have been merged into thread and has been moved to 'loved and lost' as it relates to the loss of someone. Please do not post duplicate thread in different parts of the forum in future please.

    Any problems with this PM me about it.

    thanks :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 28, 2008
  14. Resolutionary, your suffering deserves caring, compassionate support from people, however, you are going around posting attacks toward people, yet you are expecting those people to be supportive of you. It isn't fair for you to be hurting people like this, yet expecting them to be nice to you.
  15. Resolutionary

    Resolutionary Member

    i understand true suicidal feelings,

    i do not understand "superficial" suicidal feelings.

    i find no help here.

    only whining,
    woe is me,
    my life sucks,
    nobody likes me,
    me, me, me feelings.

    and to be perfectly honest, yes, i do feel like making suicidal people pay for ruining my life. i do feel like attacking someone who wants to choose to die when there is no meaningful reason to. i would not be here if my frickin brother wasn't so focused on his own sh*t, choosing death. we tried to help him all the time. i had spent so much time trying to help him and love him and get into his head so i could see what he saw. and i feel ALL his darkness NOW. i have a masters degree in counselling psychology, and i help homeless on a daily basis. what else do you expect from me? helping suicidals and trying to gently talk them out of choosing death is clearly pointless, from personal experience. you all just need to wake up. most of the whining is fake. it's people like you who make me want to die. yes, i am fully jaded. YOU THINK I DON'T THINK ABOUT SUICIDE? at least i have a good reason.

    p.s. i expect nothing from you here.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 29, 2008
  16. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm sorry but you dont understand. Not until you have walked an inch in my or any other members shoes here can you even begin to understand what suicidal thoughts and feelings are like. Yes you have been dealt much pain, but from the after affects of suicide. You are also right in that you probably cannot receive any help from the members here. Until you start to deal with the anger you have at your brother for his actions, no one here can really start to help you recover from the pain. And directing that anger at yourself and the members here does no one any good. The pain I and many others feel is as real as the pain you are experiencing right now. And no one has the right to try and minimize someone elses pain. It only creates more pain and problems for those suffering. I am so sorry that your efforts to help your brother failed. But you have to know it was in no way your fault. The reasons for his actions were his decision. Most people who suicide do not do it as a means for revenge or to make a point. They do it to find a peace that they could not find in life. Their struggles with their personal issues just became to unbearable for them and they believe they have used all the other options available to them. Yes, some people may even be crying "wolf". But they are still in need of some sort of help if they are willing to even think of taking things to a suicidal level. And thank goodness, they are trying to reach out for that help.

    Please resolutionary instead of hating so much, why not allow members here to help you get past your hate and hurting. You are always welcome here when you are ready to look for that help. Please stay safe and good luck.
  17. ("Blessed are those who expect nothing - for they shall not be disappointed...")

    Simply stated, you are not (nor will you ever be) in a position to 'judge' whether the 12 THOUSAND(!) members here are all faking and 'whiney'. As you could not (very, very sadly) successfully get into your own brother's head and change him, 'heal' him, and prevent his consequent actions, you can no more blame, in one fell swoop, the wishes of those who suffer sincere (often indescribable) agony, for legion reasons - and who desperately and sincerely pray for some sort of relief from it, no matter how drastic.

    This, kindly said -Your own terrible (all-consuming) pain has been translated into bitterness and rage, which is just as toxic as the pain you could not (and cannot now) conceivably fathom in others - no less your brother. In the other good/compassionate work you do in the world, surely you have encountered and realized that there are indeed many, many things that you cannot "fix" - are quite literally out of your hands (but DO keep doing this work nevertheless!). It is a sad reality of this life, but true nonetheless... It is also, sadly, even once fully realized, a very hard lesson that keeps recurring throughout life...

    Your bitterness is something you may or may not be able to resolve over time, addressing it. It is perhaps likely a 'natural' reaction to the feelings of futility in having tried to do so VERY much out of true concern, love, and care for someone who was close to you. (I have lost 2 people to suicide in my own immediate family btw. Not to mention I've been here for my own reasons). You are struggling, as are many others, with your own demons, and I feel for you...

    But that said, blindly lashing out at others is not (and will not ever be) 'healing' for you, nor for those whom you judge... it is in fact quite seemingly 'eating you alive' - and is the 'suicide' of your innate compassionate nature...
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2008
  18. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    How dare you say something like that and imply people here do not have real problems!!!! I don't consider what I've been through the past 10 years superficial. Also you are not acting like a counselor should! I have my doubts.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 29, 2008
  19. Resolutionary

    Resolutionary Member

    perfect example:

    BlackPegasus, quote: "how dare you.." ?!

    (let me rephrase...)

    {EDIT}-from your other posts, it sounds to me that you are used to being attacked, abused, etc. i would encourage you to abstain from going back into that victim role. not everyone is out to make your life a living hell. you can escape abuse.

    however, it is often more difficult to escape bereavement after a sudden violent death. (my brother's suicide ignited this rage).

    last time i checked, therapists are human too. not impermeable to grief and its aftermath (surprise)

    have you ever been through the anniversary of your close family member's suicide? is it ok for me to express anger like everyone else?

    obviously not.

    p.s. some people have PMd me to actually say they enjoy reading my posts because i am not afraid to be upfront and articulate the truth about suicide and its "little" side-effects. i try to paint the whole picture because we are in dire need. but yeah, i should tone it down a bit i suppose.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 29, 2008
  20. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    Nice try but I'm not falling for it.
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