Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost_child, Jan 14, 2009.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    A friend is sending XXX because I'm not well and it will help. Guess this is a sign. tomorrow i will receive them, i thought she might be sending XX but i guess that's not enogh. i'm not strong enogh to fight, i'm lonely, the only people I've spoken to today is the ppl from the crisis team but even they don't understand me, if I say anything to them then I'm just stupid. I don't feel anything, i'm I guess given up.

    its a lonely world and the lonelyness is given up.

    Sorry to everyone that has helped and supported me.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 14, 2009
  2. jam1e

    jam1e Guest

    Do you realise that if you die after taking these pills and you are not prescribed them your friend will be tracked down and will be prosecuted for manslaughter!

    Just a thought!:smile:
  3. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    no cause nobody will know who it is and they be no evidence.
  4. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    they likely not work hun
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please Jody, for the love of God, don't take all those pills. Please don't give up. :hug:
  6. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I am so tired of fighting. i'm exhausted. i've slept for about 8 hours in the last week. i've no energy to fight the thoughts anymore, i've no energy to distract myself. i'm done. they wil wokr they have to. i'm tired, i admit defeat.
  7. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    Just remember that drugs are only going to make problems worse.

    Assuming, that's what XXX is.

    Hopefully it isn't a gun :(

    Hey, at least you have friends who will do stuff for you. Can't be that lonely of a world I reckon, you do have some friends. :)
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    The lack of sleep is making things worse for you. Why don't you see someone about your problem sleeping and see if you can get help with that first. Then you may have more energy to fight like you should. I know you are tired. With things being so out in the open with your courage to try and prosecute your perp, it is more fresh on your mind. you need time to deal with this once again. Only this time i hope you can find healing in the process. :hug:
  9. seven

    seven Active Member

    Please don't hurt yourself. If you need someone to talk to, I will try to understand. :hug:
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Please don't hurt yourself Jodie. I know that you have had a rough time recently, we are all here to help you through it.

    PM me if you need to talk x
  11. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    i got them, and some other stuff. The crisis team "forgot" to call around this morning, they said it was an oversight, I say its because I'm just a name and I actually don't matter. I tried to get help, I even tried a counsellor who told me I'm too unstable to deal with the strong emotions counselling brings up, I needed to talk, I knew I had porblems, I wasn't coping, I tried to reach out to the professionals and all I ever get is pushed away, forgotton about, or told i'm not worht it. I'm tired, i've had @1 hour sleep, my stomach is hurting so much that it hurts to breath probably cause I'v not eaten in 2 days. i'm tired now. I somrry.
  12. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please have something to eat Jody and then try to get some much needed sleep. Snuggle up with a warm comforter and a nice soft pillow. :hug:
  13. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I've taken tablets and now keep being sick, and feel really faint, not sue i should be on here i just need soenone to talk too. I new memries and they hurt. i don't feel too well. not slept at al need seep
  14. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    keep trying regarding the professionals.. if you want me to call them on your behalf and kick their arses you only have to say. please try to eat something for me? you know how much i nag ;) and then sleep... try to visualise a safe place and send yourself there... anywhere will do, even a sunny field or beach. if you can imagine the sun on you it may help you sleep it does me...
    write it all out before you crash that helps too.. just get a pen and go blahhhhh all the shit in your head and pain. you can burn it rip it up if you want, its the getting it out that helps. you have us you aren't alone... talk some more if it will help you.

    sam xxx
  15. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    concerned re: the tablets you have taken. do you need to see a dr? if so please do? for me.. cos i nag

    sam xx
  16. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Hi Jody :hug:
    I cant say i know what you are going through becos of your past but, I'm here for you if you need me. Take no notice of the crisis team becos to be honest the highest qualification you need for that job is to be an arse! They are only any use if you are a straight forward case. So please dont feel that it is only you they treat this way, its not.

    I dont have any right to tell you not to harm yourself but, as somebody who cares, i am ASKING you not to do it. Stop taking the pills and call for help....please.

    You would probably prefer somebody you know or somebody with similar experiences but if you can find neither of those, I am here if you need to talk :hug:

    Lea :cheekkiss:
  17. Fern17

    Fern17 Well-Known Member

    Hi there,

    I'm new here and I just read your post and how hopeless everything feels for you right now.

    I know exactly what you mean. I have felt like that. I know what it is to feel nothing and to simply want OUT. I know what it is to feel like no one gets it, no one cares and no one understands at all. I know what it is to just want to escape the unbelievable pain that comes with This Life and how excruciating every single minute can be.

    I also know what it is to make it to that one day when suddenly things don't seem QUITE so bleak; where you can start to see just a pinhole of light & hope.

    From what I've read, I think you are in complete crisis and would be best to go to an emergency room at the nearest hospital.

    From my own experience, when I feel absolutely and unequivocally suicidal, it is due to 2 things, basically:

    1- Lack of sleep (or lack of DECENT sleep)
    2- I need some medication (or in my case, a change in medication) because the chemicals in my brain have gone bonkers and are making me completely irrational.

    Please keep in touch with us. Each minute you can make it through, brings you one minute closer to making it through this horrific time. Please. Please stay with us. The world needs you. That, I promise you.

  18. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I called the Crisis team, they came out and took my tablets off me and said because i was being sick, and sleepy, but not sleeping i would be ok re: the tablets ~ I just might be ill for the next few days, but its ok cause they calling twice a day now. :( ~ they also said that they will be an emergency meeting to decide what the next step is, they talking hospital admission. I won't go though...they won't find me.

    They messed up and left behind my notes, I read says I'm BPD, Depressed, bulimia.....don't even know what BPD, i know what it stands for but what it actually is i've no idea....they also said its difficult to build a rapport with me, and it probably is because they don't understand, and I don't understand what they do (when i asked she might as well have laughed in my face)....I don't like complete strangers coming into my house asking the same questions every day, expecting me to be able to tell everything, I am always on guard, and I don't know how to let go off that.

    Why do these so called "support workers" make you feel worse. I just need someone to talk too, week ago they said that i needed to go back into counselling, and would speak to someone, as far as I'm aware that hasn't happened, but I have contacted EKRL and had an assessment and should be able to start counselling in the next week or so....I am trying to get better, I just need help to do it, and where ever I turn I seem to get punished because I'm not your "average joe"... sorry.

    thank you for your support, and advice, I would like to talk to you's but as they said its difficult for me to build a rapport which is fair comment cause i am like that, i don't want to be and i want to change that.
  19. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    well done for doing that , am proud of you...
    don't worry about the rapport thing, you are doing really well conveying how you feel. can you get yourself something to drink to dilute the toxins and try to rest some??

    mental health teams are no way perfect. sometimes you are lucky and get a good one but they need to to be as open as you can to help you which is v hard when you are scared. they however should appreciate that..

    don't worry about the labels they have given you... most are crap anyway to be honest. you are just you, you need help and if they on't give you what you need then ask for someone else... if you can't, like i say call MIND and ask for an advocate. i can help you if you want. an advocate will ensure you get what you need and get your point across.. and they are independant

    sam xx
  20. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I've been drinking lots of water and green tea with lemon and they gave me 3 sleeping tablets which I'll take tonight. What can Mind do will they help with medical things?

    I do have a problem with communicating things so I've wrote down what keeps happening but the CRHT want you to speak and they won't read anything, they say unless I say it, they can't help me..If I could I would. sorry.
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