sorry

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by total eclipse, Jan 10, 2010.

  1. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sorry for not being strong
    for hiding away
    sorry for not being there
    when you needed me to stay
    sorry for all times you had to protect me
    no wonder you are not well
    and i kept my sanity
    and yours went straight to hell
    The guilt that i feel the pain that i endure
    will never compare to what you went through
    im sorry for everything
    for being so weak
    YOu are the true survivor
    the one i look up to
    i will now always be there for you
     
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hey violet not sure who you feel you let down but my guess is your being too tough on yourself and hope you can be a bit more gentle with yourself. I have seen your many replies to others here and know you give of yourself tremendously and I know you don't let members here down. And it is okay to hide away from time to time...we all need to recharge right?
    Take care, write as you need and stay strong.

    :arms: Bambi
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No it is my sister i let down years ago
    I ran i hid i abandoned her like everyone else did us
    um i should have told i should oh i did nothing
    and she and i were so intertwined identical twins
    she refused to forget and i ran and i became someone else
    i forgot about everything everyone i didn't want to go back
    i was so ashamed of everything she always was the strong one
    i did nothing i hate me so much now
    i try so hard to undue the past
    i don't remember and i won't go back there
    she won't let it go i tell her let it go quit living in past
    that is why she is ill
    i refused to remember i ran i did nothing i said nothing i was wrong
    god forgiveme i should have said something
    but i ran and never looked back i forgot
    oh im sorry she always was the strong one protecting me
    but when she needed me i ran i hid such a dam coward
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am remembering bits and pieces now how she left how she hated me how she didn't even say goodbye we were to leave together stay together she left me first then i left and i forgot i didn't want to be her anymore.
     
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    You did what you did for you. Hun there is nothing wrong in doing for yourself. I know so many of us here cant do that. Look out for ourselves first. And when we do it riddles us with guilt. And that is something that we hold for so long. You need to let go of the guilt. You need to understand that your feelings and fears and pain are just as important as anyone elses. You ran, it's a defense mechanism that kicks in when our mind knows we cant handle anymore. It was you trying to protect you. So hun you need to let go now. It's the past. We cant change it. But we can learn from it and move on. :arms:
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    um i am trying to undue everything try to be there for all of them now maybe by doing this i will find some healing ohoh i don't know maybe its better to just let it all go again thanks for your response im sorry i really am.
     
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    But why are you trying so hard to be there for everyone else and not giving to yourself too? Please try and let go of some of the guilt that you carry. And please stop beating yourself up over this. It wasnt all your fault then and it still isnt. So stop trying to fix it all as if it was. Hun you are just as important as the others. Please be just as kind to yourself as you are being to them. :arms:
     
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    thanks just want sadness to go away thats all.
     
  9. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    :hug: Don't have much else to give right now but I do care.
     
  10. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Thanks TBear i hope you are coping as well sending some support back to you and Itmahanh :hugtackles::rose: