Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by ballinluig, Apr 22, 2010.

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  1. ballinluig

    ballinluig Well-Known Member

    sorry folks i just needed to get this out. my meds were reduced 3 weeks ago but ive just gone down and down. i spoke to an on-duty cpn tuesday and she said to go back up to my original dose of venlafaxine. so i took 300mg and a diazapam. yestoday i just couldnt cope. i love my three boys to bits but i hate them at the minute. i cant cope with the language there using, the disresspect , everything about them. i ended up having a panick attack and tried to get 10mins on my own in my bedroom-guess what, in came 1,2,3 boys, 2 cats then the bloody dog!!

    All i want is some quiet me time. im not coping at all and struggling so much.
    tried to tell my husband in bed last night, i cuddled up with him, told him and he just fell asleep, some good that was when im crying and saying im not feeling well.

    i know others on here are in a worse place and need more attention so im sorry to take up space. just wish i was back to how i felt. if things dont change i know ill end up back on the psyc ward.
    Dont think its helping but my diabetes isnt under control and this might be a factor aswel. Life just sucks.

    because my head is so mixed up i cant remember things or what people tell me and thats really hard.#

    its hard to say i hate my children and im sorry to them.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 22, 2010
  2. MsBuggity

    MsBuggity Member

    I understand what you're saying, hon. Sometimes there's a really fine line between love and hate.

    My son was taken from me when he was a year old (he's now 21). We lived about 8 hours away from eachother, and I went to visit him as often as I was able (about once a month or so). It hurt sooooo much when I had to leave him. The pain of saying goodbye; of believing that I was a horrid mother; that I deserved the pain; the self-hate; etc....there were times when I felt I hated HIM for it. But there was a part of me that knew it WASn't him. It was me. I knew that not being a fulltime mom to him was for the best....and I hated myself for it.

    So...try to look at it logically. You don't hate your KIDS. You hate that you can't have any time alone to recover from your stresses. THEY are the reason you can't have any time to recover. Because they need you. don't hate hate that they need you. When #1 on your list right now is that YOU need you. And that's a really difficult place to be in. Especially when you don't feel any support from your husband.

    And don't worry about taking up space here. That's what this place is for. To vent. To take up space. To allow others to help us when they're able.

  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hey I was just checking in to see how you are feeling? I so need my private time so can relate...have you been able to get any? It is hard waiting for the meds to kick back in I know so hang in there and know we are here for you.

    Love B
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and no need to feel sorry...has the change in your meds affected your mood? If so, have you spoken to your MD/pdoc??? Wishing you brighter times, big hugs, J
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