ive been barely hanging on for a long while now. there are 2 people id met here, and gotten very close to, that have convinced me time and time again to stay. last night one managed to find me and talk me out of going in the 5 bloody minutes i was at my laptop to shut the thing down before leaving to do it. how she managed to catch me at that exact time i dont know. and for a few minutes, talking to her, it looked like there might be another way. but i can see now there isnt. theres dreaming impossible things with no basis in reality and nothing more. if the people i was living for cant live, i should have done it last night. bc without them i cant do this. it sucks thats how it works but its true. i cant do this for me. its time to stop trying to find a grip. its time to let go and just free fall. im sorry to everyone here i made promises to and couldnt keep. and im sorry for any of you who wasted your time on me. thank you for everything, and good luck to you all.