This is just a letter to myself so no one has to reply or read it. Today was so bad. I know. It was the worst day in a while. Maybe worse than when you sliced your arms up after your birthday. Maybe worse than the week after that when you did it again. Not worse than your birthday. Not worse than all those times before. But really quite bad. But you know if you try anything tonight you will be found and get taken to hospital again and you know what they said the last time. If you try it again and end up there you will be put in a clinic. You know you don't want that. You know that you wantto do it right. You can do that at the weekend. You'll be alone and you know that you won't be found. Just stick to your plan and it will all be okay. It will stop hurting then. Just stick to the plan. You didn't plan those two times before and that's why they went wrong. You've planned it this time so just hold on. It isn't long. Just get through this night. It's going to be hard. I know how bad you feel. I know how much distress you are in. I know you are trembling and are dizzy and feel sick to your stomach. I know you are hating yourself more than anyone hated anything. I know you are thinking about all those things that race around your mind. I know you are feeling guilty. I know. I can feel it too. It hurts doesn't it? It really hurts. Those pains you feel are real. I feel them too. But if you can just get through this night and stick to your plan. Don't be hasty. Don't be rash. I know you just want to pick up that razor and cut to your bone. I know you want to stab it as far into your chest as you can get it. I know you want to slice yourself up. But you can't. Not tonight. Just wait. Hold those feelings just a little longer. You can let them all out soon. You can do what you need to do. Just not tonight. Not tonight.