Specifically, what got you through living past today?

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My issue/reason/necessity/feeling will be back tomorrow, & seriously I have no clue what will get me through it. Today however an assistance was provided by Whisky. It lowered my anxiety levels, slowed the rate of arrhythmia I experience & despite the chronic experience I have, stopped me feeling so bad about my arrhythmia. I would never advocate alcohol as a coping mechanism to anyone because I was an unrealised & unrivalled alcoholic for 22 years. In my youth I drank shots of 50% proof spirits by the half bottle yet turned up for work at 7am the next morning. I drank wine socially with the capacity to drink 3 bottles compared to my companions 1 bottle struggles. Yet here I am several years layer using it to cope as a last resort.

I'm not particularly grateful for this small mercy. Everything will start again tomorrow & I have no idea what will get me through tomorrow, if I live to see tomorrow.

The reason I keep repeating the word tomorrow is because for me & probably a lot of other people registered here, tomorrow is a word utterly alien to our situation because not only are we feeling like an utter bag of shite today, we have to experience it yet again tomorrow.

Your situation or condition may be the reason you expect to die. Ready for death but don't know when it's going to come? You have my total understanding & welcome to our world (in whatever way this may connect). Maybe we wish we could control our own death time & cause as opposed to when our situation will bring it. I'd like to convince myself I'm making any kind of sense but as the moderators put it "say what you feel" so here it is.

Thanks for reading.

Flying Fox

Upside-down Hugger
SF Supporter
Since becoming more involved with the community, signing up for programs and doing volunteering work I feel as if my life as definitely taken an upswing. In my depression I did not want to go outside or do anything for that matter but just die; it initially takes a lot of effort to push yourself out the door and be social or do an activity, it really is does help in the long run if you keep at it. Even though occasionally I still have thoughts of suicide they occur far less often.


Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
One of the worst things about depression is that it so seriously alters the way we think and feel that we truly believe that it is a permanent condition, and there is no way to stop the unbearable pain except by dying. In fact it is a treatable physical illness, a disorder in brain functioning, and with the right kind of help and support there is no reason why people cannot recover. The problem is asking for, and getting, the right kind of help - for instance it can take a while to find the right meds at the right dose, and there are other factors which can stop them working properly - e.g. nutritional deficiencies, inflammation or infection somewhere in the body. Alcohol is also a major depressant and stops antidepressant meds working properly. Same thing also applies to psychotherapy - the particular therapy, or therapist, may not be the right one. One size doesn't fit all, but when the treatment is right, it can work like magic. It may be an uphill struggle, but with professional and other support, determination, perseverance, and increasing belief in oneself, the battle can be won, and full recovery is possible.
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4th year college student
A friend told me that, no matter what, we all leave ripples moving through the pool of life. Our ripples affect those in close proximity the strongest.
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